Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Jar Jar Binks: Here Wesa Goin!

Let's see... mesa gotten mesa sling unt boomas (issen about time theysa gonna bein of some usen), mesa issen noah a kaadu anymore (issen a long story) unt mesa issen ready for der... er... whatsa wassen thissen challenge again!

A race? Mesa gonna riden thassen ting! Aaargh!

Unt mesa issen... off! Into der dune sea, around der dunes - CRASH BANG OW - okay, *through* thassen dune.

Now, on to... whatsa wassen thissen again? *checks map* Sarlacc Breeding Grounds. Oh, mesa thought yousa sayen - wait... Sarlacc Breeding Grounds? EEEAAARRGH!
Okay, around der first sarlacc... den left... MESA OTHER LEFT! ARGH! Jump! Jump! Jump!
*Jar Jar's bike sails through the air over the sarlacc*
Phew...

Steaming Pits of Death... well, thassen can noah be so bad...
*two seconds later...* EEEAAAYAAARGHH!!!!!!
Ow... issen... indescribably painful... issen INDESCRIBABLE, OKEYDAY? Thassen meanen mesa noah goin to describen itsa, yousa getten mesa message?

Okay, whatsa issen next?
Nice ronto... nice ronto... oh, forget it. *Jar Jar drives straight through the herd, hurling boomas left and right - it's doubtful whether he actually hits anything, but the rontos stay back*

Assassin's Arch? After der Steaming Pits of Death...
BANG! POW! POP! *Tusken-Raider-ish honking noises* Yousa gonna payen for thissen...
*he gets back to randomly throwing boomas, one of which strikes Aayla Secura as she attempts to pass him on her swoop bike*

And der home stretch (literally): Beggar's Canyon, der lair of der former Mabitt Tribe. Now, did Jawajuice sayen anyting about der canyon? Endargered species...
*Jar Jar starts counting on his fingers, oblivious to the local wildlife he is squashing with his bike*
Narrow in places...
*he zooms through the narrowest part of the canyon in a lucky break, not noticing at all*
Lots of rocks...
*he looks up and sees the Tribal Council - Yoda, Anakin and Fluke already waiting there - and with a huge rock directly in front*
Uh-oh.
*Jar Jar's bike crashes into the rock and violently explodes, flinging him over to land smack in the middle of the Tribal Council*.

Talken about yousa dramatic finishen...

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