Monday, August 01, 2005

Starbucker dreams about the rescue...


To rescue or not to rescue...that's what some of the Mabbitt tribe members were asking.

FLUKE: He's a teammate, so there should be no querstion...and with all the talent in this cave, I think we should all go.

PALPS: Why do you pronounce it that way, young Starbucker?

FLUKE: What? 'It?' What's wrong with that?

AAYLA: No. The word 'question' said 'querstion'.

FLUKE: It's because I can't say 'question'. the tribe members leave the comfort of their air-conditioned cave and seeks out the icky, dispicable Tusken Raider Badlands Campsite & Resort. After a couple of hours on foot...

LEIA: What's that smell?

PALPS: Bantha crap. Mounds and mounds of Bantha crap.

BEN: I think the sandpeople are right over the next ridge.

AAYLA: What makes you think that?

BEN: We seem to be right in the middle of the Bantha Dumping Grounds. The Bantha dumping grounds are just a ridge away from the Tusken Raider Badlands. Or so this map JJ gave us says...

Fluke peers through his binocs at the oncoming ridge
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FLUKE: It looks like Sandpeople are close, all right. Look, here are some Gaffi sticks, wamprat hides, Bantha poop. It's just...I never heard of Banthas shitting anything this big before.

Ben is crouching in the sand studying the steaming piles.

BEN: They didn't. But we are meant to think they did. These turds are side by side. Sandpeople always ride their Banthas single file to hide their numbers. And these pee patterns - too accurate for Banthas. Only Imperial stormtroopers are so precise.

Qui-Gon Jinn: You dudes are trippin' with you're tie-dyed Imperial poopin' theories. Stay with the rescue plot, or so help me, man, I'm gonna have to cut you guys off - no more brownies. Did you forget, or something? We gotta get back before the next challenge or we won't have a chance.

Ben and Fluke hang their heads and quietly continue leading the group on towards the Tusken Raider Badlands...hours pass until finally our group of heros are on the ridge looking down at the Campsite & Resort

BEN: There certainly are a bunch of them. Qui-Gon, why don't you float around down there and locate Jar Jar for us?

In an instant, QGJ returns with a full report...location of Jar Jar, guardposts, numbers of guards, bathrooms, kitchens, and color schemes of the interior of each and every tent in use

LEIA: WoW! How'd you get all of that so fast?!?

QGJ: Magic dust. the tribe formulates a plan - The Alpha team: the Jedi (and Jedi wannabe) will head toward the opposite end of the camp from where Jar Jar is being held to create a diversion. This leaves the Beta team: Princess Leia and Palps to move toward Jar Jar after the Tusken Raiders have turned their attention towards the Jedi (and Jedi Wannabe).

The Alpha team heads out.

Only a few moments pass before Palps and Leia notice the young FotNJOw streaking across the main area of the grounds separating the tents from the cafeteria. He is wearing nothing but hs blaster helmet, a strategically placed sock, and he produces a shrill Indian war cry as he runs. Many raiders follow immediately. Leia and Palps head down the enbankment.

BEN: Here he comes! Steady....STEADY! NOW!

The young FotNJOw darts between two huge boulders, knowing the remaining Alpha team members are prepared just beyond them. After he passes through safely, Ben and Aayla activate their lightsabres at waist height - their sabres spanning the entire opening that Fluke had just run through. Scores of surprised Sandpeople are halved as they pour through in the rush. Fluke quickly dresses behind another rock.

Leia and Palps are amazed with the ease they are able to enter the area after the diversion the Alpha team had created.

PALPS: Why anyone would want to chase a nude founder of the Jedi Order wannabe, I'll never know.

LEIA: Palps! According to QGJ, Jar Jar is up on that platform. Climb up and bring him down while I stay here on the lookout, ready to defend our position! (waving her fork).

PALPS: Climb? Me?

Leia waves her fork AT Palps and yells JUST DO IT, MAN!

So Palps heads up the cliff face to the platform where Jar Jar is. Just as he reaches the top, the ladder he was using crumbles, stranding him on the platform jutting out from the cliff wall. He sees that he and JarJar are alone there...

PALPS: I say, why on earth are you dressed that way?

JAR JAR: Wella, dese Tusky peoples dey wanten mesa to besa thei..

PALPS: (interrupting) STop! Nevermind I don't want to know! Just shush, and let's get you out of here.

He works to free Jar Jar as the Alpha Team, having dispatched of all the Sand people, comes into the area.

PALPS: (yelling) Hello down there! Do any of you have any idea of how we can get down from here?

BEN: There's a rope, Chancellor! Use it to swing down here! Have Jar Jar hold on tightly, and swing down to us!

PALPS: Uh. No. I don't think so. You haven't seen what Jar Jar is wea...

BEN: (interrupting) Chancellor! You must hurry! We have scattered the Sand People, but they'll soon be back! And in greater numbers!

PALPS: No. I cannot! You don't understand. Jar JAr is wearing thi....


JAR JAR: Oh, pleasa, Palpy. Mesa will be muy muy thanksful.

PALPS: (to Jar Jar) Oh, Shut-up! (To Teammates) Can;'t one of you come up here and get him?

FLUKE: The access ladder is busted! Just swing down. C'mon! I hear Banthas approaching! Now is the time!

PALPS: *ahem* Alright, alright. Here we come....

Yes... well... come along Jar Jar. (mutters) I can't believe this...

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Fluke awakens with a jolt in a cold sweat

OMG! What a nightmare! I hope they make it back OK!


Blogger Aayla Secura said...

Oh my...that's...horrible!

1:30 PM, August 01, 2005  
Blogger Oola said...

.....thats wrong

2:12 PM, August 01, 2005  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

Are you sure it was a dream? It seemed so...real.

2:46 PM, August 01, 2005  
Blogger flu said...

JJ, It felt real...

reaches over to turn down the cooling droid

2:48 PM, August 01, 2005  
Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said...

That's funny...I was having the same dream, except I was in the slave girl outfit...and JJ had on my yellow speedo.

4:53 PM, August 01, 2005  
Blogger Anakin Skywalker said...

What's beyond whack?

... I need eye-bleach, yo.

5:54 PM, August 01, 2005  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

Aaaaaaaah! Twice during this stupid contest, blinded I have been!

6:04 PM, August 01, 2005  
Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said...

That's replacing the whale in me nightmares.
Fluke, I think you need to lay off the brownies before bed, dude. I'm seriously starting to, like, worry about you, man.

6:26 PM, August 01, 2005  
Blogger Jar Jar Binks said...

Mesa berry glad dat itsa wassen a dream...

10:18 PM, August 01, 2005  
Blogger jedisiri said...

oh have a whale in your dream?that means-nothing!

10:38 PM, August 01, 2005  
Blogger Han Solo said...

I only saw a big light blur.

11:10 PM, August 01, 2005  

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