Monday, September 12, 2005

Qui-Gon : Howzit Brah?

Man, it's been a long time since I heenalu, dude.
Back when I was Dook's little Padawan, I was a mad surfer. Strue Bob. They'd know I was on a mission as there was always a board strapped to the top of our ship. Dooks was my Gandelf, as he was experienced in the ways of the waves, man. He dialed me into everything I knew. I was radolescent. I was a champion. No one could touch me. Then I surfed Kamino. Man, there ain't nothing like a planet that is all wave. Problem was, there was no beach. And big honking draigons. So, like, we were supposed to be investigating something about cloning or something, and I was out catching waves. Didn't see it coming, and *BAM* took a draigon tail to the back of my dome. Well, my bond with Dooks kicked off, or something, and the next thing I know, I'm back on Coruscant with a wicked nasty concussion. I was Cactus Juiced, couldn't surf anymore. It wasn't just the injury, though, or the fact that the Council went nuts, it was Dooku. He was like way miffed, sure, but he thought I was going to go belly up, man. He said that he was way worried about me, so I stopped. Cold Turkey. Haven't caught a wave in like... Okay, I'm not going to say how long because, thought I'm dead, I'm a little self conscious about my age.
So, right, now this challenge comes along, and at first I was pensive. And then I was like, 'pensive'? Since when do I use words like pensive? Yeah, so I was thinking 'Do I do this thing, or, like, what, man?'. It had been so long since I got on a board. I was losin' my religion, man. Then I looked over at Dooks. He gave me this silent nod, which I took as an okay, though he could have been nodding off. He is old, you know.
Right, JJ, like, started us off and everyone leapt into action, snagging whatever trash would work for them. I have this ability, since, you know, dead, that I can, like, look without looking. That's what I did, man. I was finding some stuff that could be useful later. KFC licensed cups with novelty character lids, licensed paper plates and cups, wind-up toys, shirts with ridiculous logos, velcro shoes, inflatable Pepsi cans, life-sized standees, masks, action figures, more action figures, LEGO figures, little tiny action figures, serial numbered master replicas, pillow cases, Burger King toys, Burger King cups, limited edition rare Burger King toys, models, pewter figures, plushies, collectible miniature game miniatures, CCGs, TCGs, widescreen cards, regular cards, vernacular cards, stickers, vintage magazines, current magazines, vinyl costumes, cloth costumes, furred costumes, puppets, XBox games, PSX games, PS2 games, board games, Atari 2600 games, games for every Nintendo system (excluding the Virtual Boy, because Tahl always said 'if you count that, you are geeking too hard'), resin busts, resin banks, holiday ornaments, neck ties, and novelty toilet paper. Nothing of any use or worth in the real world, obviously.
I had to settle with a tin holovid tray for my board. I copped the broken handle to a Vibro-Ax (not to be confused with the men's body wash, 'It's how dirty Jedi Boys get clean,'). Connected those two together wicked fast, but I was, like, missing the sail. See, you can't surf sand. Sand gets everywhere and it doesn't make for some gnarly waves, man. So you need a sail for the push, that is unless you use the Force, which I have before, but nada on this go around. I wasn't about to use that pillowcase as, though it was officially licensed, it displayed shoddy workmanship and inferior quality. I went with the best piece of cloth in the history of weaving. Nothing has brought me more comfort, other than, like, the Force, but I have to say that, man. Without it, I'm not, like, me. My wonderful luxury item, my poncho. I attached that bad boy on with these crap watches, again, officially licensed.
I set out. Dude. Seriously. Man. Wow. Yo.
Nothing like riding the sand dunes. The power of the wind pushing your ethereal body on a make shift wind board. You know the feeling... Okay, no, I don't think any of you do. Even close really... So, uh...
Right, well, I'm just plowing along, singing some Beach Boys, and I got passed. And again. One more time. Dooks was leading! But, I was enjoying myself, man. I wasn't about to do something stupid or something to get me kicked off just to pass him. There wasn't a lot I could do, anyway. Hey, no worries, man!
Dooks used to surf with me. When I wiped out that one time, I wouldn't do it anymore. But, Dooku stopped, too, because of me. He was so scared that he almost lost his Padawan that he gave it all up. He deserved this one stellar ride.
Good on ya' for your win, Dooks, brah. You were hella gnar!


Blogger JawaJuice said...

Wait a sec...I think I just realized something...Is Qui-Gon somehow related to Jeff Spicoli?

5:32 PM, September 12, 2005  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

That first paragraph, what did you say? I mean, I recognized some of the words and all, but...

6:31 PM, September 12, 2005  
Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said...

Jon, you Kook, don't you know the lingo, dude?
It's been a while since I've been part of the Church of the Open Sky, but it never leaves you, brah.
I think I need some serious brownies.

9:04 PM, September 12, 2005  

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