Sunday, October 02, 2005

Han: Appetite

Another week, another challenge.

J.J. led us out to the site. Before we got there, I could already smell it: like a wet wookie, in a small room, vomiting fish.
Han: J.J., what's this?
J.J.: It's a cookout.
Food? FOOD?!?

I was so hungry...words cannot describe it. My stomach had long since stopped growling, and now just gave the occasional weak whimper. There was this tasty rock I'd had my eye on back at the cave. It looked like a loaf of bread. I'd been saving it for a special occasion. Looks like I can save it for a while longer.

When we got to the site, I saw quite the spread. A full four-course meal! The smell was even stronger here, and my stomach was starting to wake up and rumble.
J.J.: Are you ready? Then....dig in.
Well, he didn't have to tell me twice!

First up was the appetizer, a crispy fried scurrier. I swear, they must have given me the smallest one. It barely made a dent in my hunger! In fact, it probably just made me hungrier. I wished I had thought to bring a mirror though. It felt like I had scurrier pieces in my teeth, and I had no way to check.

Fluke got sick at this point, and they took the rest of his food away. What a waste!

I asked for another scurrier and J.J. told me that we only got one serving of each course. Tch! Lousy cheapskates. Well, I didn't pay for it, so I guess I didn't get a say.

Second up was the soup, curry beetle. Just like Chewie used to make! With live beetles and everything! Oh, glory day! I tried using the spoon they gave us, but it was taking me too long so I just stuck my face in the bowl and gulped them down. Get in my belly! I could feel them wriggling! I drank the broth, but it looked to me like I was the only one. Everyone else was just eating the beetles. Fools! The broth is the best part!

Qui-Gon tripped out at this point. I wonder what got into him?

Third up was the main course, spice ronto intestines. You haven't lived until you've tried spice ronto intestines. Then you'll think you've died and gone to heaven. Actually, these intestines weren't the best I'd ever had. Don't get me wrong, they were good, and filling, but I've had better. I don't know. Maybe not enough bantha urine.

Finally, fourth up was the dessert, chilled bantha testicles. What a treat! When I was growing up, my foster parents used to make the greatest Testosteroni (the Correlian treat! Just add testicles!), very similar to these bantha testicles.

Whew! Delicious! My compliments to the chef! I looked around the table. Dooku hadn't started dessert yet, and Yoda was still working on the main course.

Thinking Dooku might be full, I asked him if he was going to eat dessert.
Dooku: Would you like mine? Please, help yourself!
What a great guy! Sure, he's screwed me over before (the Dune Sea surfing race comes to mind), but on the other hand, he gave me food. That counts for a lot in my book.
Dooku: J.J., look! As you can clearly see, I've finished all four courses.
J.J.: I was standing right here! I saw you switch plates with Han!
Dooku: (shrug and a smile) What can I say? I can't fight my nature.
Yoda was STILL struggling with the main course. I tried encouraging him, but about then Yoda had once of the worst cases of flatulence I've ever witnessed (of course, he blamed his pet bantha. SURE, Yoda). And then he got sick (I wonder if some sort of flu is going around?), all over the table and all over me!

I was disgusted. Some Jedi Master! Wasting food like that...it's despicable! He better hope I can get this mess off of me, otherwise I'm going to smell like partially digested intestines for the next few weeks. And we live in a small cave. With no ventilation.

Anyway, at least I got a meal out of it.
Han: (pushing away from the table) J.J., that was one awesome treat. So, what's today's challenge going to be?

3 Comments:

Blogger JawaJuice said...

Great post!
Love how you recapped and tied everyone in.

7:47 AM, October 02, 2005  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

also the vote button is fixed. Don't forget to vote.

7:51 AM, October 02, 2005  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Testosteroni? ROFL!

8:08 PM, October 02, 2005  

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