Saturday, October 29, 2005

Han: Needs To Know

Question 1: Let's say you've been stranded in the past for some reason. For example, you went back in time trying to find out the truth about your father, but there was an accident, and you lost your flux capacitor, blah blah blah. Point is, you can't go home again. What do you do? Do you give up hope of ever reaching your own time again, and try to enjoy the golden age you've found yourself in, even knowing it won't last? Or do you keep on truckin', and try and try to find another way?

Question 2: Let's say you've been on a reality show, and the prize is a hefty sum of credits. And, you really REALLY need those credits. However, you got voted off close to the final round. For the purposes of this question, let's assume you were one of four final contestants, and you had two votes against you. Do you still hunt down and kill all three other contestants, even though one of them is surely innocent?

Question 3: What's a Nubian?

Question 4: Have you guys seen my keys? I think I left them in the cave, but they won't let me go check. Could you look around the couch or something?


Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said...

A rock flew from the mouth of the cave, hitting Fluke Starbucker, sporting a jaunty eyepatch, in the back of the Blaster Helmet.
"Ow! Geez!"
A very faint "Oh, bummer," could be heard echoing out from the cavern.
Fluke stooped to pick up the stone.
"The sky is falling..." He tore off the small sheet of paper that was wrapped to it. "And it's ordering pizza!"
He read the message. "It looks like that dirty double crossing Qui-Gon's reply."
Palpatine mumbled "Kill it," his voice thick with darkness.
"We can't kill the reply, Goobersmoocher," Fluke said. "I shall read..." He squinted his one good eye. "How can you read with one eye like this, Typho?"
Captain Typho took the paper. "Years of practice, but, geez, how can anyone read this hippie's hand-writing?"
JJ spoke up. "I can read it, no problem." He was handed the paper, and began to read.
"Like, in response to Han's Questions.
One. Give up. It's not, like, going to get any better any place you are, so just give up."
JJ added in his two credits. "That's uplifting there, Qui." He continued on.
"Like, Two, I'm already dead, man. You can't kill me. And, like, oh, wow."
JJ stopped. "He writes just like he talks."
Han raised his shaking fist to the sky and shouted, "Get a haircut, hippie!"
JJ looked over, his face mixed the confusion and repulsion. "That's great. Shall I go on?"
He resumed his reading. "I'm already dead. You can't kill me. And, like, oh, wow, don't kill Yoda! I can't live with an eternity of him mocking me, though, like, I already do, man. And, like, Fluke is cool. You can't kill him."
Fluke looked conflicted. He drew his blast shield down farther over his eye.
JawaJuice went on reading. "Three. A Nubian is someone who, like, is new at playing Halo 2 or Half-Life 2. Or, like, at least, that's what Tahl said. I always thought it was a class of ship.
"Four. Like, your keys aren't in the cave. I'm, like, positive. But, like, don't go in there. There are Sarlacc, Rancor, and Happy McBurgerbra in here."
Leia looked up. "In here? Does that mean he's in the cave?"
The crowd rumbled angrily. Many wanted to raid the cave and drag the ghost out.
JJ made an announcement. "Guys, even if Qui is sulking in that cave, you can't go in there. Contractual boundaries. That and I think there is a Sarlacc that set up shop in there after you guys moved out. As long as he pays the rent..." JJ shrugged his shoulders.

Meanwhile, inside the cave...
"That's weak," Ogopogo, the Sarlacc said, in a gurgling voice. "So he really got you to say 'pickles.' That sucks."
Qui-Gon nodded, sadly.
"Want to play Monopoly?" A long ropy Sarlacc tentacle whipped up and dragged a box off of a high shelf. "I've got the puppy version."
Qui-Gon smiled and nodded.

7:48 AM, October 30, 2005  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

Once again, someone who thinks that above the rules he is. To two questions per jury member what happened?


Q1: Have to get back to my own time, I would. No good in any other time, my Taco Bell Coupons are.
But if in a situation like that you are, look for wild-eyed scientist with crazy white hair you must. The first thing you should do that is. The only ones who know how to travel through time, wild-eyed scientists with crazy white hair are.

Q2: Have to check I would, but I think unethical, premeditated murder is. (Mentioned have I that vote for you I did not?)

Q3: Nubian - A native of the planet Nubi (also spelled NOOB). They are often characterized by their tendency to ask stupid questions instead of looking on Google for the answer themselves.

Q4: I think ate them, Bob the Bantha may have.

12:49 PM, October 30, 2005  
Blogger Han Solo said...

Were we limited to only two questions? Well, I've had it up to here with your "rules".

1) Who said I was talking about me? I was just theorizing. About, uh, a friend of mine. And wild-eyed scientists with crazy white hair...that's how I got in this mess in the first place. I mean, my friend did. Theoretically speaking.

2) Premeditated murder is unethical? Really? I did not know that. I'll have to think about that...

3) Now I'm really confused. You guys gave different answers. The other guy I asked told me (quite rudely) to shut up.

4) That scruffy...pickle triggered laser brain! My lucky dice were on that keychain!

11:16 PM, November 01, 2005  

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