Friday, October 07, 2005

Starbucker: I may have whizzed myself

JJ: "You may bring your weapons...but you will not need them.

So…if there are no questions….?

Then let’s begin.


FLUKE; (to self) "Fears huh? I hope they're rational. At least no one else will know what lurks inside everyone else's ring... I hope. I'm taking my lightsabre anyhoo - ju-ust c-c-cause. uh...what am I stammering for? I got nothing to worry about..." *gulp*

Fluke steps into the first ring. All grows dark. There are noises in the distance.... gurgly, sloshy, liquid noises. A faint light grows in front of him, revealing a door in the distance. He hears a faint cry for help from beyond the door...

FLUKE: "Odd. I like helping people... this isn't scary."

Fluke begins sprinting toward the door, and as he runs - the cries grow louder, but the distance to the door seems to increase. He runs harder. The cries seem to be muffled by liquid. The gurgling sounds drown out the cries. He runs harder, but the distance continues to seem to expand in front of him. He determines to run faster and faster to overcome the strange perception. He closes his eyes, and runs with all his might...within a second of having his eyes closed...


He runs smack into the door and falls. The cries are as urgent as ever beyond the door. He grasps the knob and turns... and turns... and turns... and turns...

FLUKE: "Well, this is as frustrating as all get out..."

Finally the door opens into him, knocking him backwards. He gets up, and without a second thought is through the door. It's a bathroom. A gurgling toilet sits in the corner. Oddly, the toilet is where the cries for help are coming...Gurgle, gurgle... hack, cough, gurgle...HELP!

TOILET: "Help me *gurgle*... I'm clogged... *hack*... Wookies have been here...*Wheeze*... Ack, ptooey... HELP!!"

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*this dramatic visual representation has been cleaned up for the benefit of the viewing audience.

FLUKE (to self - now in a panic) "OMG! I remember having this nightmare when I was a wee kiddo... Oh, NO! This means I'm a..."

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Fluke defies gravity and his own will and gets plunged over and over and over countless times. He tries and tries to shut his mouth as he continues to get plunged over and over and over, but because he's now a sturdy, rubber plunger, he cannot...

... finally after what seems to be countless hours of the torture, he is tossed back out of the bathroom, and lands in sand, outside ring one.

JJ: "Wow Fluke, you're completely soaked with sweat! That must've been some intense fear!"

Fluke, still shuddering from the experience, sobs quietly...moments pass and he asks JJ which ring is next. JJ points to the second ring. Fluke closes his eyes and jumps in...

...this time he is greeted by a computer in a nice office. The office is centered between a cubicle farm to one side, and a large production-type area on the other. There is much tapping and busy-work going on all around. He sits down and looks at it. It's screen is riddled with many amazing game icons. He touches the mouse, it responds wonderfully. He moves it to double click on an icon. His heart sinks as he's greeted with a BSOD... he begins to freak out, because he senses the computer is necessary for the operations to run smoothly at this place...

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This is more how Fluke feels - not how he looks

Suddenly, a head pops into the doorway

EXTRA: "HEy, we need those sales reports for the Q3 presentation in ten minutes! OH, BTW, the VP is here with a few members of the Board of Directors!... Hey, what did you do to your computer?"

FLUKE: "Oh, uh... Nothing, it's all under control. Fix the VP some coffee, I'll have the presentation completed in 10, thanks so much, buh-bye, get out."

Fluke begins re-booting, he notices the extra continuing to stand at the door

FLUKE: "C'mon - chop, chop! Go away."

the extra exits, and Fluke begins a start-up sequence... but then...

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Whirrrr-irrrr-irrr, KABLOOEY!

Fluke panics


He turns on a soldering iron, and begins picking up some pieces. He mutters to himself...

FLUKE: "Oh, crap, crappy, crapens, crapola, crap-o-la!"

He picks up the main circuit board and clamps it into a holder to begin studying it... He swigs on the stale, cold coffee in the dusty cup at the corner of the desk.

FLUKE: "Eeeeewwwwwyuck!" *shudder* "OK, I can fix this... I'm a technical guru."

He studies the board... something bothers him about it... it doesn't seem right... he searches his desk for a magnifying glass... precious moments pass... he finds one and peers through it..."


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Never seen a card quite like this one...

FLUKE: "This is madness!"

At that point the extra from earlier in the scene re-appears at the door...

EXTRA: "OK, he's on his second cup of coffee, our three engineering departments from overseas are on-line witht he teleconference, and you're presentation is next on the docket."

Fluke calmly stands. He takes one long final draw from the cold, dusty coffe mug on the desk, getting the grounds from the bottom of the cup all in his teeth. He chokes down the last swallow with a grimace...

FLUKE: "Let's

He makes the presentation of a lifetime using flip charts, whiteboards, and scale models made on the spot using popsicle sticks. He gripes defiantly about the cuts in budgets and demeans the shoddy equipment that the tightwad VP forces him to rely on - blaming them squarely on the absense of the PowerPoint he was intending to use for that very presentation. He sweats, he curses, he gloats, he scratches where it itches when it itches without regard to who might see, and he ends up impressing the hell out of the VP, who realizes the error of his ways and offers his own corner office to Fluke.

Then suddenly, Fluke is back in the sand.

JJ: "Hey, Fluke, you seems to be making good time. Just one more ring to go... Future fear. Get in there..."

He shoves Fluke in as Fluke starts to say something...

FLUKE: "But wai....ahhhh!"

Fluke is again greeted by darkness. His eyes adjust and he sees he is in yet another hallway. This one has a dim light at the end, and a door on either side of the hallway just about in the middle length-wise. He beings walking in the direction of the doors. All is deathly silent.

As he approaches the doors in the middle, he is tempted to open them, but decides better of it, and then decides it best to continue on to the door at the end.

The hallway is long, but it does not appear to grow longer as the first one did.

At the very moment he is directly between the doors on either side of the hallway, the one on the right creaks open slowly.

Fluke stops dead in his tracks...

Silence continues to fill the air.

Curiousity gets the best of him, and he moves to peer inside...

A lightsabre ignites inside!

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Oh, CRAP! Anakin!... and he looks PISSED!

FLUKE: (stammering) "I uh, ba... wha.... I .. it's no....wha? ... uh...."

Anankin approaches the door, lightsabre drawn. Fluke reaches for his lightsabre, but it's not on his side any longer.

Fluke goes to shut the door as Anakin lops off his left hand. Fluke shrieks and begins backing up.

FLUKE: "I didn't see nothing! I'm innocent! I'm defenseless! I'm completely unarmed!"

Anakin continues approaching him slowly...

ANAKIN: "You're gonna be, yo."

Fluke reaches for the door across the hall with his one good hand, opens it, and jumps in.

This isn't a room at all - it leads outdoors, and Fluke himself feels different as he goes through the door. As he strides, he feels as if he's gliding, or leaping... and covering great distances as he goes. Soon, he finds himself face to face with an unusual creature...

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If he ribbets, would his eye fall out?

CREATURE: (Speaking carefully, in frog subtitles) "You're doomed, little froggy. That big masked, caped toad is coming after you."

Fluke looks back to see a toad with a oddly familiar helmet on, appearing and disappearing in and out of the grass as it hops closer and closer

FLUKE: (in little froggy subtitles) "Jumpin Jehosiphat! Where do I go, what do I do?"

The unusual creature gestures in a direction, Fluke takes off. He leaps and bounds with all his might, hardly slowed by his missing hand.

FLUKE: (to self in froggy subtitles) "Oh, gosh, I gotta get outta here. I hafta locate an exit."

He makes an incredible jump onto a very tall flower that has not yet blossomed, hoping to be able to see a great distance from it's height. It bends under his weight, and he dangles precariously from the end of it. He realizes he is now suspended over a seemingly bottomless pit. There is no escape as the masked toad begins walking up the bent stalk toward him.

DARTH TOAD: (in Darth Toad subtitles) "There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. You do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the pond."

FLUKE: (In froggy subtitles) "This is flippin' insane... and I'll never join you!

DARTH TOAD: (Toad Subtitles) "If you only knew the power of the dark side. The old croaker at the lilly pad never told you what happened to your father."

FLUKE: (frogspeak) "He told me enough! No-Wait! What are you talking about?!?!?"

DARTH TOAD: (Toadtalk) "I am your father."

Shocked, Fluke looks at the lumpy toad in disbelief

FLUKE: (as before) "No. No. That's not true! That's impossible!"

DARTH TOAD: (yep) "Search your feelings. You know it to be true."

FLUKE: (...) "No! No! No!"

DARTH TOAD: () "Fluke. You can destroy the Bullfrog. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and we can rule the pond as father and son. Come with me. It's the only way."

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Between a rock and a hard place

The toad holds his hand out to Fluke. A calm comes over Fluke, and he makes a decision. In the next instant he releases his grip that was keeping him from falling. The Dark, Fly Eating Lord looks under the bud and sees Fluke falling far below. The wind begins to blow at his's cape and the torrent finally forces him back down the stem, and into the grass. The wind soon fades and Fluke the wounded froggy drops fast, unable to grab onto anything to break his fall.
...and he lands, in human form, unharmed, in the sand outside the third ring... and then he assumes a fetal position... and sucks his thumb while weeping softly for the next 20 minutes as JJ looks on...

Starbucker Out.


Blogger flu said...

What does it all mean?

2:25 PM, October 07, 2005  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Now that I've seen your fears, I feel like I understand you better.

No, actually I don't.

6:15 PM, October 07, 2005  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:48 PM, October 07, 2005  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

Hard to follow this will be.

So your third fear -
Afraid of getting your hand chopped off by Young Skywalker, turning into a toad, finding out that another toad (who also the with the Dark Side is) your father is, then falling off a lilly pad to your death, it is?

Feel bad do not. A common fear that is.

7:53 PM, October 07, 2005  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I thought I understood him until I saw his fears.

8:17 AM, October 08, 2005  
Blogger November Rain said...


his first fear is too funny

11:32 AM, November 04, 2005  

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