Friday, October 14, 2005

Starbucker: An interview

JJ waddles into the cave to find young Starbucker playing pong on the video gaming system...

JJ: "Hey!"

FLUKE: (jumping, spilling vanilla milkshake all over himself and his video chair) "HoooWATCHOUW! Holy smokes, man, don't go sneaking up on people like that! Uh... wait, what are you doing in here? Why's that cameraman with you? What's going on?"

JJ; "Well, I thought I might come and just visit with you a bit."

FLUKE: "ok... but uh, why?" (looking nervous)

JJ: "just so the viewing audiance might get a peek at what your thoughts are at this stage, and for posterity's sake."

FLUKE: (intensely serious look, pointing his finger in JJ's face) "Listen, I'll visit with you, but let's keep posterity out of this, ok?"

JJ: ...

FLUKE: "OK? DO we have a deal?"

JJ: "Sure, OK, listen, I'm curious, Has the game itself lived up to your expectations?"

FLUKE: "JJ, when I first got involved, I didn't know what to expect. I sure didn't think there would be challenges, or hardships, or even competition for that matter! Heck, if I remember right, you invited me to join you on a relaxing, adventrous vacation at some pristine timeshare on the lush garden moon of Moody, where you said we would party all night, every night, and sleep all day, every day, while numerous Twi'keks would be at our beck and call, fanning us with overgrown foliage, and peeling grapes for us, pouring our chardonnays and wiping the dribble from our chinny-chin-chins. Do you remember any of that stuff?"

JJ: "Ahem, yes, well, uh... so, tell me, now that you know the game, and can look back on past challenges, and those that have been voted off, did you think you'd ever be sitting here, having made it to the final four?"

FLUKE: "Um... is this questionaire this week's challenge?"

JJ: ""

FLUKE: "REally?"

JJ: "Really."

FLUKE: "OK... uh, no, I didn't think I'd make it this far, especially against such strong competitors. All the fit competitors - Lots of Jedis, a Jedi Hunter, a butt-kicker, a specially trained guard in the Senatorial SS, and even the ones that seemed somewhat out of place - the Senator, and the Chancellor - all had better chances than I thought I did... once I realized what we were doing here. Now, Jar Jar, on the other hand, I'm not sure if he had an edge on me or not, but it wouldn't have surprised me if he would've won the whole shooting match. It did surprise me when he was voted off."

JJ: "Do you deserve to win?"

FLUKE: (grins) "What kind of question is that? Sheesh! Hello! Mr. Obvious, (knocks on JJ's forehead playfully) are you gonna ask everyone that? Gosh, I can't believe you asked that! *pfft* (mutters) do I deserve to win... Yes, Mr. man, I think so - especially if I make it through the rest of the challenges without getting voted off."

JJ: "You've been nearly voted off at least twice during the course of the competition already, are you concerned about the tribal counsels' from here on out?"

FLUKE: "Oh, I dunno... yeah, I guess I am kinda concerned... I do consider myself very lucky to still be a part... I'm just gonna do my bestest, and keep my head up - rain or shine."

JJ: "Have you learned anything during these challenges? Anything about yourself, or others, that surprises you?"

FLUKE: "Well, let's see (rubs chin under blaster halmet) Dooku wears clothes that are about two sizes too small. Palps seems possessed. Yoda mumbles a LOT in his sleep - and wiggles - almost like he's running from something - or something. Han has a stomache made of iron...and a personality to match, if'n you ax me. Typho was a really intense and insightful competitor, and would give the shirt off his back to his teammates if they needed it. Greivous likes killing things - no matter what they are. Qui-Gon is like, in touch with everything. Obi-Wan is a walking gas factory. Leia and Aayla are hot stuff.... but Aayla runs really goofy - and Leia looks good when she dances in that gold bikini of hers. *wink*, at least she did before she turned into a man! ...Hmmm.. some of the others from the other tribe got voted off before I learned much about them..."

JJ: "Leia? Dancing in a gold Bikini?"

FLUKE: "Did I say that out loud?"

JJ: "Yeah, but I don't remember that happening."

FLUKE: "Uh... It may have kinda been a private moment..."

JJ: "Oh, yeah... private, you got any pics?"

FLUKE: "Yeah, but uh.... I don't think I..."

JJ: "Listen, we got cameras all over this place. If it were intended to be private, she wouldn't have done it here. AND she signed away her privacy to get on the show to begin with. (He flashes a crumpled paper from his frock and quickly stuffs it back) - matter of fact, YOU signed your privacy away, too. So, you see, I NEED to see them. Listen, if you're uncomfortable, then right after this interview, I'll shut off the camera and edit this little snippet out of the tape. I just want to... I mean I need to check it out, - for the integrity of the game - I don't really even want to see them, but I have to... OK?

FLUKE; "Well, I guess so..."

JJ: "K, don't forget. So, do any of the other three remaining competitors deserve to win?"

FLUKE: "No way! None of them even need to win... Yoda's got that cushy place and job up there at the Temple. His income is secure just from seniority alone! He's set! Han doesn't need to win, unless it's just some psycological thing inside his own mind to relive glory days, or prove to himself that he's still got it... whatever it is. and Qui-Gon doesn't need anything 'cause he's like, dead! But even if he was alive, he's got that booming brownie business with you. Hey, is that some sort of conflict of interest, or something?"

JJ: "uh, you're tiptoeing on the 'disqualified' borderline there, pal."

FLUKE: "Yeah, well, anyhoo, I need to win this. I need it."

JJ: "What do you need it for?"

FLUKE: "Well, I'm thinking it would more than cover my remaining training... I am the Founder of the New Jedi Order wannabe, remember? I have training to finish. Also, whatever's left of the prize money after training will go a looooong way in replacing worn out nuts and bolts back home - and maybe even provide for some much needed business expansion..."

JJ: "Expansion?...of nuts and bolts? You mean, your gonna buy more nuts and bolts?"

FLUKE: "Righto."

JJ: "Yessss, well, uh... do you have a plan on getting yourself to the final two?"

FLUKE: "...the final two what?"

JJ: "Contestants on the show!"

FLUKE: "Oh! Of course, yeah the "final two"?" (makes finger quotes in the air) "Yep."

JJ: "well?"

FLUKE: "well what?"

JJ: "What's your plan?"

FLUKE: "Plan?... For what?"

JJ: ... (amazed)

FLUKE: ... (baffled)

JJ: "OK, let's move on, shall we?"

FLUKE: "Move on what?... You're not making much sense here, JJ."

JJ: "Do you consider any of these other three in the finals with you as your friend?"

FLUKE: "Absolutely. All three."

JJ: "Would you take a dive and let any of them win if they asked you to?"

FLUKE: "HEck no! Take a dive? For these guys? No way... and I wouldn't expect them to bow out for me either."

JJ: "Have you intentionally misled any of them to gain competitive advantage?"

FLUKE: "Yeoona....noaaa... I can't remember." (looks around nervously)

JJ: "Okaaaay, next question - what has been your strongest and weakest challenges thus far?

FLUKE: "Strongest? Hmmm, well, I was really pleased to get the air-conditioner up and going with the team, but individually? I'd have to say the Bantha Shearing - I was "on" that day. Weakest? mmmmm... I'd have to say the crud eating contest. My stomache was weak for me... but I was gonna do it if it killed me JJ!"

JJ: "I think it would have. Ok, let's wrap this, one more question - Do you have anything that you wish to happen in the final challenges?"

FLUKE: "I would wish for me to win them... yeah, that I would win them."

Starbucker out

JJ: "ok, the camera's off... can I see those pics?"

FLUKE: "Oh, yeah, sure... lemme get 'em."

JJ: "How'd this come about, anyway?"

FLUKE: "Oh, I guess you could say we kinda got to know each oth... wait, why's that red light still blinking on your camera? - That looks like it did when it was running...(?)"

JJ: "Oh, that's nothing - it always does that - it's not on..."

FLUKE: "Really?"

JJ: "Yeah... see?" (JJ waves hands in front of camera)

FLUKE: "Oh, yeah... OK, here they are."

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Blogger Captain Typho said...

"a specially trained guard in the Senatorial SS"

Uh, "SS" as in Nazi?

3:41 PM, October 14, 2005  
Blogger Han Solo said...

I think he means Secret Service. As in, the Senatorial Secret Service protects our galaxy's leaders, visiting world leaders, global special security events, and the integrity of the galaxy's government.

6:39 PM, October 14, 2005  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

As long as he's not trying to insinuate that our Galactic Republic is corrupt, I'm cool.

8:22 PM, October 14, 2005  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

Captain Tidy Bowl,

Perhaps a good idea to familiarize yourself with the official acronyms of the organziation you work for, it would be.

Besides, better than the old name it is - Bureau Of the Official Guards Employed by the Republic.

8:35 PM, October 14, 2005  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Perhaps you should recognize irony.

8:57 PM, October 14, 2005  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Mrrrrrrow, Leia is hot schtufff.

9:20 PM, October 14, 2005  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

Captain Toenail,

Perhaps enjoy this Force Wedgie you will.

8:11 PM, October 15, 2005  
Blogger Leia said...

Fluke, I'm going to kill you!

8:31 PM, October 15, 2005  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

You're such a jerk, Yoda.

12:19 AM, October 16, 2005  
Blogger flu said...

Uh, Secret Service is what I was going for.

6:31 AM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger flu said...

Leia, JJ promised he wouldn't display those like that, he said he'd edit it all out and everything!


6:38 AM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

Sorry...ratings you know...

8:40 AM, October 17, 2005  

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