Palps: Arrival of the Sith

Of course I have to play as my softer side on the show, which will make things more interesting for sure. I plan to call upon all of my Darth Sidious skills to ensure that I am victorious, but I am not ready to reveal my true identity to my Jedi tribe mates just yet.

Speaking of tribe mates, here is my take on all of these losers:

Aayla: Wow, she’s more striking in person than her picture in the Jedi directory gives her credit. Too bad she’s a Jedi and I will have to eventually destroy her. Perhaps she could be turned? She could become a powerful ally.

Fluke: Loser. Couldn’t find his butt with two hands, a map, and a flashlight. Although I do sense some force presence in him…but not much.

Grievous: More droid than brains. While it would be natural for me to form an alliance with him (a separatist alliance??), that coughing would drive me crazy.

Jar Jar: Loser. Smells terrible. Can’t understand a word he’s saying. He’ll be the first to get voted off, and probably dinner for everyone the next evening. I hear that Gungans taste like chicken??

Leia: She’s a bit of an unknown at this point. First impressions… cute, but a little too ‘man-ish’ for my tastes. Have also detected some force in her, but it is faint.

Obi-Wan: What’s with the Cheeto obsession? I thought I was obsessed with Oreo’s, but this guy makes me look like an apprentice. And he always keeps sneaking off with Aayla, and acts like no one notices. He’d make good lightsaber practice for Lord Maul.

Qui-Gon: Smells like something, but I can’t put my finger on it. I think it may that stuff they call ‘pot’ on the commercials I have seen during NASCAR. He also seems to be a little slow, but then again he ‘was’ a Jedi so I’m not surprised.

I arrived on the planet to find it HOT. I was just here a few weeks ago, but I don’t remember it being this hot. Good thing I wore my Speedo under my black cloak. I think if I show it off perhaps I can rattle my fellow contestants.

It’s not like I need the million credits, I have more money than I will ever be able to spend. But I can practice my lightsaber skills on the locals. Plus some subtle manipulation of the force and I might be able to get Grievous and Jar Jar to make out.

Most of the tribe could not figure out how to make fire. Jar Jar spent a lot of time rubbing two sticks together, but kept drooling too much. Grievous tried spinning light sabers, but kept knocking the firewood out of the pit with all the flailing about. Finally I told them all to go out and find more kindling and started the fire myself with some force lightning when they weren’t looking. Of course, we ended up with a huge bonfire since I still cannot seem to control the lightning once it gets started.

The first night we encountered some of the sand people. I went out to investigate with Obi wan, Leia, Fluke, Qui-Gon and Aayla. Those Jedi went charging in, and I stood back and cheered them on.

“Use your hate, it makes you powerful!!” I yelled at them. They mostly looked at me funny and kept fighting them off. After a while we dispatched them all. I wanted to kill the women and children, but Qui-Gon insisted we go back to camp.

Jar Jar was the noisiest sleeper. Between the snoring and passing gas, I couldn’t get any sleep. At one point I wanted to liberate his head from the rest of his body with my lightsaber, but Aayla stopped me.

We have no food yet, but Fluke and Leia went out to see if they could find some womp rats. I am not ready to reveal my stash of Oreo’s to them just yet, at least not until after the first immunity challenge.