Typho to Qui-Gon: Altered States
“Any questions?” said JJ.
We shook our heads.
“GO!”
Blaster in hand, I barreled through the entrance of the Pillar of Doom and into a ball of purple light. One by one, the people in front of me were swallowed up...
And then I was, like, floating.
Purple is the color of, you know, royalty, and I believe that people should be free and not into ruling and being ruled, you know? But taken strictly as a color, purple is righteous.
Everyone around me was, you could say, gone. Not sure where they went. This was a downer because I wanted to keep an eye on Dooks. If anyone could find a quick way out, it would be him. Bummer.
That’s when I noticed something that blew my mind. My lightsaber was gone and I had a blaster in my hand.
Wow, like, talk about uncivilized. Who gave me a blaster, man? A joke like that is wrong on so many levels. A lightsaber is all about defense and peace. A blaster is a tool of negativity. I don’t need no weapons of destruction.
I discarded it and decided to move on out. The purple haze was all around me as I glided up a spiral staircase. The colors were groovy and swirly, like being inside one of my lava lamps.
Hey! When JJ and I remodel our place, we should one room just like this, where people can mellow out from the inside out. And eat brownies and contemplate the universe. Yeah--
Whoa.
That’s when I saw, like, a blast from the past, lurking in the shadows off of the second landing.
Xanatos!
Here? Now?
My first padawan.
My failed padawan.
Had he learned how to become one with the Living Force before he died?
“XANATOS!” I cried. He cackled and ran down the hallway and I followed.
Man, like, when am I going to learn not to fall for that? It was a trap, of course. How many times did this kid try to kill me and young Ben once he went dark side? I’ve lost count.
As I dashed down the hallway after him, a panel opened up in one of the walls and I was blasted with light. Not the cool, mellow purple light from the stairs, but an angry green light that set my poncho on fire.
That was some powerful mojo. Not cool. I love that poncho. I rolled on the floor to douse the flames, and doing so saved me from getting slimed by some toxic mess that spewed from the ceiling.
What followed was one trap after another as I chased this sorry youngling from one landing to another. You name it, it was there. Spikes coming out of the floor, false floors that broke away when you stepped on them, mirrors, gas. It was one bad video game trip, man. That’s where he went wrong. I should never have bought him that Toshy Station game system for his birthday all those years ago. Man, like, is that a tool of the Sith, or what?
I finally caught hold of Xanatos when we were on the last level of the tower. I somersaulted over his head, go in front of him, and kicked the lightsaber from his hand. I grabbed him and shook him hard.
“Let it go, dude! It’s over! We’re both dead. It’s all about peace, man. If you learned one thing from me, you should’ve learned that.”
I shook him again and he changed.
No, not his funky evil attitude. He morphed into Tahl!
Shocked, I let go and watched in horror as my old lady tumbled backwards down the stairs towards a pit of pure acid that had materialized out of nowhere. I reached out to grab her…
And I was standing on the roof of the Pillar of Doom, looking at Yoda, Qui-Gon and the others.
How did I get up here?
We shook our heads.
“GO!”
Blaster in hand, I barreled through the entrance of the Pillar of Doom and into a ball of purple light. One by one, the people in front of me were swallowed up...
And then I was, like, floating.
Purple is the color of, you know, royalty, and I believe that people should be free and not into ruling and being ruled, you know? But taken strictly as a color, purple is righteous.
Everyone around me was, you could say, gone. Not sure where they went. This was a downer because I wanted to keep an eye on Dooks. If anyone could find a quick way out, it would be him. Bummer.
That’s when I noticed something that blew my mind. My lightsaber was gone and I had a blaster in my hand.
Wow, like, talk about uncivilized. Who gave me a blaster, man? A joke like that is wrong on so many levels. A lightsaber is all about defense and peace. A blaster is a tool of negativity. I don’t need no weapons of destruction.
I discarded it and decided to move on out. The purple haze was all around me as I glided up a spiral staircase. The colors were groovy and swirly, like being inside one of my lava lamps.
Hey! When JJ and I remodel our place, we should one room just like this, where people can mellow out from the inside out. And eat brownies and contemplate the universe. Yeah--
Whoa.
That’s when I saw, like, a blast from the past, lurking in the shadows off of the second landing.
Xanatos!
Here? Now?
My first padawan.
My failed padawan.
Had he learned how to become one with the Living Force before he died?
“XANATOS!” I cried. He cackled and ran down the hallway and I followed.
Man, like, when am I going to learn not to fall for that? It was a trap, of course. How many times did this kid try to kill me and young Ben once he went dark side? I’ve lost count.
As I dashed down the hallway after him, a panel opened up in one of the walls and I was blasted with light. Not the cool, mellow purple light from the stairs, but an angry green light that set my poncho on fire.
That was some powerful mojo. Not cool. I love that poncho. I rolled on the floor to douse the flames, and doing so saved me from getting slimed by some toxic mess that spewed from the ceiling.
What followed was one trap after another as I chased this sorry youngling from one landing to another. You name it, it was there. Spikes coming out of the floor, false floors that broke away when you stepped on them, mirrors, gas. It was one bad video game trip, man. That’s where he went wrong. I should never have bought him that Toshy Station game system for his birthday all those years ago. Man, like, is that a tool of the Sith, or what?
I finally caught hold of Xanatos when we were on the last level of the tower. I somersaulted over his head, go in front of him, and kicked the lightsaber from his hand. I grabbed him and shook him hard.
“Let it go, dude! It’s over! We’re both dead. It’s all about peace, man. If you learned one thing from me, you should’ve learned that.”
I shook him again and he changed.
No, not his funky evil attitude. He morphed into Tahl!
Shocked, I let go and watched in horror as my old lady tumbled backwards down the stairs towards a pit of pure acid that had materialized out of nowhere. I reached out to grab her…
And I was standing on the roof of the Pillar of Doom, looking at Yoda, Qui-Gon and the others.
How did I get up here?
posted by Anonymous at 7:41 AM
3 Comments:
Whoah!
Is that good or bad? ;)
Good. Definitely good!!
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