Saturday, November 12, 2005

Party at Watto's

I've been watching Survivor Tatooine religiously, the various challenges, the tribal councels, everything. I was very elated to see that when Qui-Gon won, he invited just about everyone to Watto's for a party. Quickly, I sprung into action, jumping into my trusty ship the Danger Sled and warping on over to the desert planet.

Warp technology is great. As an aside, I have to comment how nice it is that there is such a device that allows us to have adventures like this every week.

I got to Watto's a little later than I expected, crossing the galaxies can take longer than you might think. I wanted to get there for dinner because I heard that the buffet's nerf roasted in bluemilk was the best that you could find. Fortunately, the buffet is open all night. More importantly, the bars were open all night, too.

I went to one of the lounges and met Fluke and Jawa Juice. Fluke had a few and was Fusing the Spores to levitate some drinks. JJ had a few, too, and his glowing eyes looked glazed over.

"See JJ, first we Fuse the Spores, then nature chews the Spores, then we use the Spores!"

JJ mumbled something semicoherently.

"No no no, JJ, you're missing the timeless beauty of it. First we Fuse the Spores, then nature chews the Spores, then we use the Spores!"

JJ mumbled something again.

"No no no, you're still missing it, First we Fuse the Spores, then nature chews the Spores, then we use the Spores!"

JJ mumbled once more.

"See now you're getting it."

"Say guys, what's going on?" I ask.

"Oh, Jon Jon Jon, this is so cool, check this out," slurred Fluke. "First we Fuse the Spores, then nature chews the Spores, then we use the Spores! It's like totally cool."

JJ mumbled again.

"Yeah, hey you know there's a show going on," I pointed down the corridor. "You guys going?"

"Oh yeah, I hear that guy is so awesome," replied Fluke. "I totally wanna check it out. I have to tell you something first. See, Jon, first we Fuse the Spores, then nature chews the Spores, then we use the Spores!"

"Gotta go." I took off. Jawa mumbled. I couldn't tell if he was mumbling through the drinks or the hood or what.

I saw Mace and Yoda talking in a sports bar. They seemed to be arguing over one of the football games.

"I love those Tusken Raiders helmets. They're dark and shiny and strong. Just like me."

"Strong running game leads to play action, play action leads to touchdown, touchdown leads to victory," said Yoda watching the screen.

"I love those Space Buccaneers helmets. They are tough and shiny like me. They are tough and protective, like me. They are red and pewter, like me. Say, Yoda, would I look good in a red and pewter robe or would I look good?"

"Feh, pewter I do not like," Yoda replied. "A very nice orange the Buccaneers had. Like a delicious creamcicle they looked." Yoda took another swig of his drink.

"Hey, gang," I walked up to them. "You going to the show?"

"Oh yes, I look so good in the dark of the audience," said Windu. "I'm ready to go."

"I am ready, too," said Yoda. "I hear that it is a very good show."

"Master Yoda, you're talking... backwards," I said.

"I am, ahem," Yoda cleared his throat and regained some composure. "Drunk I am."

The waitress seated us and the show began. Elvis Spaceclone #23 was onstage and he was rocking the house.

Elvis was singing:

Twin sun desert gonna set my soul
Gonna set my soul on fire
There's a whole lot of credits that are ready to burn
So get those stakes up higher
There's a thousand pretty Twileks just a-waitin out there,
And they're all livin' Devaronian-may-care
And I'm just the Devaronian with love to spare
Viva at Watto's
Viva at Watto's

And how I wish that there were more
Than twenty-eight hours in the day.
But even if there were forty more,
I wouldn't sleep a minute away.
Oh, there's sabaac, holo-chess and Podracing bets.
A fortune won and lost with no regrets.
All you need are blasters or superfast jets.
Viva at Watto's
Viva at Watto's
Viva at Watto's
Viva at Watto's
Viva! Viva!


The crowd stood up, cheering and roaring. I sure wish that I had a camera or better photomanipulating skills so I could show my friends back home.

"Thank you, thank you very much," said Elvis. "I'm gunna take a short break. Thank you, thank you very much."

Watto came up on stage, flapping his wings.

"Oh wasn't that great, everybody? Elvis Spaceclone #23!" He called out. "You know, we have a special party here tonight, eh. We also have a special visitor who's traveled a long way to be here. Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator, everybody!"

Lights shone on me, I reluctantly stood up and waved to the applauding audience.

"Say, Jon," continued Watto. "Why don't you come up and sing for us, eh?"

"Oh no no, I couldn't," I said.

"Nonsense, nonsense," he replied. "Come on up, eh!"

I gave in to the cheering crowd, went up on stage and grabbed a microphone.

"OK, OK, this one's dedicated to Qui-Gon. He's the reason we're all here." The audience applauded for Qui-Gon, his spectral form waved and saluted everyone with his banana daiquiri.

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive (hey-hey)

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
and now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive


The audience stood and applauded (it didn't hurt that everyone had been drinking pretty much all day).

"Let's get the winner up here, everyone. Come on up here, Qui-Gon!" I called out.

Qui-Gon tried to wave everyone off, but the crowd wouldn't have it. With a shrug, the specter reluctantly floated up to stage to address the cheering crowd.

"Thank you everybody," he said. "It's, like, cool, man."

"Sing! Sing! Sing!" yelled the crowd. Remember, they had been drinking.

"Oh no no, man," Qui-Gon said. "I gave up my singing days long ago."

"Oh please, old chap," called out Count Dooku. "Belt one out for us!"

"Alright, alright, I do know one song," the ghostly Jedi conceded.

"I'll sing with you," I offered.

Qui-Gon was silent for a moment.

"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bananaphone!"

3 Comments:

Blogger Captain Typho said...

I liked that Elvis song. ;)

2:39 PM, November 13, 2005  
Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said...

Hey, Dooku likes that song too! You two should sing a duet!

6:06 AM, November 14, 2005  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

excellent show! Glad ya came along!

8:00 AM, November 15, 2005  

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