And the winner is...

J.J.: …and the final bike to come in and it’s…..Typhodookuhan! A great, great job by everybody. Well done. And it’s nice to see everyone crossed the finish line without any major injuries. –That’ll save the health care costs of the show.

And the winner of the challenge….is Yoda. Strong with the swoop, you are. Yoda wins immunity from today’s vote. I’ll let you guys get dusted off and I’ll see everyone at tribal council tonight.

Yoda: Just Hanging Around I Am

Gathered at the start line, all of our swoop bikes were. A mechanic there was by each of our swoop bikes. A little eccentric, my mechanic seemed:


Bossy, he was too.

"You're not 007," he said.

"No. Yoda, my name is. A Jedi Master and member of the Jedi Counc..."

"Yes, yes, let's get on with it. Now, I've made a number of special modifications to your vehicle, but I don't want you to use any of them. Understand? Good."

"For what, this big red button is?"

"Since you won't be using it, there's really no need for you to know, is there? Oh, here, you should take this pen."

"Need to write something will I?"

"Of course not! That pen isn't for writing. In fact, it's not an ordinary pen."

"For what it is?"

"Never mind. Just don't point it at any Tusken Raiders, if you can at all avoid it. All right, up you go, I haven't got all day. You shouldn't be standing here jibbering on so, anyway. You have a race to run. Get on with it. And please try to take care of this equipment."

"For what this box is?"

"Don't touch that! That's my lunch!"

Finally, on my bike I got. And the race we started. In the middle of the pack I was. Maybe as good at this as Young Skywalker and Captain Solo I was not, but going to be behind Jar Jar or Dooku, I was not!

First, the Sarlaac Breeding Grounds. Staring up at me from their pits, Sarlaacs were. A loogy at one I hawked.

Next, the Steaming Pits of Death. Whoa, stink it did! Like old socks it smelled. Down I looked. Sure enough, piled in the pits millions and millions of old socks were. Then, to me it occured, where all those socks go that in the dryer get lost, this is! Passed out from the smell, anyone else would have. But with Kenobi I live. Nothing this was.

Then, Ronto Plateau. There, to slow down our bikes we had to. Many Rontos migrating there were. Fortunately, ticklish Rontos are. So, when get in my way or threaten me, one would, just reach up I would, and "Coochie, choochie, coo!"

Finally, Assassin's Arch. Last obstacle before the final stretch through Beggar's Canyon, it was. But as close to it I got, shooting at me Tuskens started! To throw something at them I wanted. But nothing on me I had. In my pocket I reached. My pen I felt. Out I took it and about to throw it, I was. Accidentally, I clicked it. Suddenly, shooting the Tuskens stopped! Together they all stood up, and singing show tunes they started!

Stand show tunes I can not. Even worse, apparently tone-deaf Tuskens are. Very off-key they were. As past the last of them I whizzed, finishing Oklahoma! they were. Butchered it, they had. No wonder it is that supposed to point that pen at Tuskens you are not.

At last, Beggar's Canyon. Still in the middle of the pack, I was. Profusely I was sweating. Making the seat slippery it was. To balance myself I tried, but forward I slipped. On to the big red button I fell. Uh oh.

Whoosh! Like a rocket, my bike took off! Hanging on to the handle bars for dear life I was! Up in the air behind me, my legs were. Off of me, my clothes flew. Down to my underwear I was. Everyone ahead of me, I passed. A blur, they were.

Coming up on the finish line, I was. But slow down the bike I could not! Working, the brakes were not! Past the finish line I flew. Won, had I? Way behind me the finish line was now. To turn the bike around I tried, but instead, up it went. Very tiny, the people on the ground were. Getting to me, the altitude was. Light-headed I was feeling. The last thing I remember that was. The next thing I know, hanging from a rocky cliff by a parachute, I was. Even know the bike had a parachute, I did not.

Uh, get me down, can someone?

Typho: Marathon or Sprint?

HEY! Who's shooting??
Originally uploaded by Captain Typho.

Call it a calculated risk.

This was my plan -- stay within striking distance, then gun it down the stretch. I figured a swoop race like this is a marathon, not a sprint.

The Steaming Pits of Death were... I can't speak about it.

I'll probably need therapy to get over the horror.

[I wonder if healer Barriss Offee does counseling?]

The Ronto Plateau was (almost) fun. I got an unintentional assist from Jar Jar when he started chucking his bombs. I came out of there in about 3rd place.

Assassin's Arch is where my plan got shot to hell -- literally. I hit that area with Aayla and Qui-Gon right behind me and I was getting ready to pass the leaders when the shooting started.

#$@&ing Tuskens!

Shots pinged off my swoop, narrowly missing me. They must've hit something important, though, 'cause the bike started slowing down dramatically.

Jar Jar passed me.

Fluke, too.

Others, one after another.

The bike finally died as I caught up with Dooku.

Okay, I've lost the swoop race, but no way am I gonna let a hundred-year-old man cross the finish line before me!

The footrace was on...

Challenge #6 :Swoop Bike Race

Welcome Survivors. I see you have decided to settle at the old Mabbitt cave and you’re still working on a name for the new tribe. Very well. Let me know what you all have settled on in a few days and I'll change the side graphics.

Today’s challenge is an exciting one. It’s a race. We were going to have a pod race for everyone but as it turns out, the Hutts made pod racing illegal for anyone else to use them on this planet so today’s challenge is a swoop bike race.

I’m sure you’re all familiar with the lanky bikes. Each one is the same special model, built especially for this game, thanks to Mobquet Swoops and Speeders™ ©. So the race will come down to that person’s skill and a little luck. The only modifications we made was to this one here. We made this swoop bike able to respond to the delicate nuances of the living force so that Qui-Gon could actually ride it. It should respond just like the others.

The race itself is very long, so you only need to make one revolution around to win.

You will start here, where we have tribal council and speed off across the Dune Sea towards the Sarlacc Breading Grounds. There are dozens of little sarlacc pits throughout the area, so you will have to be careful not to drop in one of them.

Just beyond the breading grounds is the first of six marker flags you must go through. If you fail to go through any of the marker flags and thus try to make a short cut for yourself, you will be eliminated from the race.

After the first marker flag, you will quickly turn south until you find the second marker flag. Right after that you must travel through the Steaming Pits of Death. Now…no one knows exactly what the Steaming Pits of Death are. No one’s actually come back from them alive…but I’m sure you guys will be fine.

Moving on….Next it’s up to the Ronto Plateau where right now there are hundreds of Rontos in heavy migration. You may have to weave and dodge your way through and around them to get to the third marker flag. Try not to get stepped on.

After that, it’s a quick turn east and another long stretch of desert until you reach Assassin’s Arch. Assassin’s Arch itself is the fourth marker flag, so you must race through the natural rocky arch itself. Now, unfortunately Tusken Raiders love to camp out on top of the arch and take pot shots at passers by. You may have to take special care not to get shot.

Beyond the arch, you will then race through Beggar’s Canyon. (yes, the map says Begger’s Canyon…my crazy uncle E’etooi made the map years ago. He’s quite insane as well as an awful speller.) Anyway, the canyon can be quite narrow in places and have many sharp turns, so be very careful….not to endanger the natural wildlife, okay? (Not to mention your camp…) Marker flag number five is in the canyon.

Finally the last marker flag if back here at the start. First person who makes it across wins immunity.

Any questions?

Then let’s get started.

The Merge!

Welcome survivors. I trust everyone enjoyed their stay at the resort. Good. Today is a special day. Drop your buffs.

No! Fluke…your buffs, not….
Wait! Anakin…not your….no. My eyes!
Wait. All of you. Just drop your buffs. Please. …oh, I’m gonna need that pink stuff soon.
Now the reason I’m asking you to drop your buffs is because….No! Wait! Han! …not again.

Several minutes and some heavy clarification later….

Alright. I want each team to get a good look at the other team…because from this day forward they will also be your team mates. You will no longer need your old colored buffs anymore. From now on, as one tribe, your buff color is Red. All of you have made it this far. Now the game goes into high gear. Challenges will no longer determine which team goes to tribal council. Instead, the winner of challenges hence forth will win immunity from the council vote. This means every Friday there will be a vote but the winner of that weeks challenge can not be voted off.

Also from here on out in the game, those voted off will now start to consist of our jury. This jury will be the people who will cast the final vote, when it comes down to the last two people, and who will vote for the winner of the game. More of that when we get to it.

I imagine there will be a bit more competition now. We have a strong core group of players and it may take more than doing well in the challenges to make it to the final two. We may even see some secret alliances starting to pop up…if they haven’t already.

There are two things you must do right away as your new tribe. First, you must all decide on a new name for the tribe, and second, determine where this tribe is going to live for the remainder of the game. Will it be out in the Dune Sea inside a hollowed out sandworm carcass? Or in a cave just down wind of the Bantha Dumping Grounds?

It’s your choice. But you should make them quick.

Tomorrow is a new challenge.

I’ll see everyone tomorrow.

Tribal Council: Week Five (Mabbitt)

J.J.: Welcome back to tribal council, team Mabbitt. I trust you all had a good time at the resort and...for four of you well rested to continue on with the game. Unfortunately, your team came in second for the Hutt-lick and one of you must be voted off. So without further ado, let the voting begin.

The five Mabbitt team members look at each other slyly then one by one go over to write down a name and vote. J.J. then takes the container and comes back to the fire.

J.J.: I’ll now read the votes.

First vote………………Fluke

next………..Aayla

…………………Jar Jar

………………………….Leia

…………………….Qui-Gon

Interesting. It appears we have an unusual alliance to create a tie for tribal council. Very well, as stated in the rules as I’m sure you’re all aware of, if there is ever a tie, the loser will be determined randomly from the tied selections. In this case, that’s all five of you. Is that correct?

All of Mabbitt nod their heads.

Very well. I’ll just replace these names back in the container and draw out one of them. Then that person will be asked to leave. You all have a one in five chance. Here we go.

……………

……????

The seventh person voted off Survivor: Tatooine…………..

………Leia.

Princess Leia….the tribe has spoken.

Leia: But….look at me….I’m……that is…..I’m still…..

J.J.: Oh that. Eh…the effects of the idol should wear off in another week. Don’t worry, you should be back to your fork skickin’ self in no time.

Eh….you can put down that fork now…..

Why is it everyone that gets voted off wants to kill me. I’m just the messenger?