Jar Jar's gone missing!

It seems while he was wandering the desert looking for colorful grains of sand, he was abducted and taken away!

They left this note in his place.

Tribal Council: Week Two

*J.J. brings back the hollowed out skull of a womp rat that is used as the voting vessel and stands before the Ooteeni Tribe.*

(Thanks to Qui-Gon for the Lego Logos! Brownie points for you)

J.J: Now that the votes are in, I’ll read the votes.

First vote…..wha? EEEEeeeeeeewwww! What the-? Who left a? Aww crap! Someone get me a towel.

*Low cackling noises from the Ooteeni tribe*

(five minutes later….)

Alright. Now that the votes and my hands have been sterilized….

The first vote…….Mace Windu

Second vote…..Han Solo

……..Mace

………Han

………Han

……..Mace. That’s three for Mace, three for Han.

…….Mace.

….The second person voted off Survivor:Tatooine...Mace Windu.

Mace…the tribe has spoken.

…So that’s what the caption should read for this picture in Yoda’s blog.

Yoda: Voted I Have

So, voting I am. Really, who goes matters not. All doofuses they are anyway. Eeeny meeny miney...who cares. The first name I think of, write down I will.

OK, here goes.

Wait, I think leave a little "present" in the box I will...hee hee hee hee.

Know who did it, no one will.



Want to know what happened today do you? Ok, tell you I will.

Well, tell Young Skywalker I said this, do not (the big head he will get), but brilliant he was. Just like Jedi Master McGyver he was. A whole working cooling droid out of an Easy Bake Oven and clown wigs he built.

Later, when looking Young Skywalker was not, decide that some modding the droid needed, Solo (King of Doofuses) did.

"Do that you should not," I said, "Happy, Young Skywalker will not be."

"Beat it, Shorty," Solo said, "I think I know my way around a cooling droid."

"Oooookaaaaay... that fond of your hands you are not, I hope."

Anyway what happened, you know. Immediately after the challenge, taking Solo's hands, Young Skywalker tried. Using the Force, punch himself out with his own roboclaw I made Young Skywalker. For his own good it was. But get off that easy, Solo will not. Later, let Young Skywalker give him a major Force-Wedgie I will.

Typho: My Vote

[Typho confidently writes a name on a piece of paper, folds it, and slips it into the slot.]

"The choice was a no-brainer," he says to the audience, spreading his hands in a "don't blame me" gesture.

And the winner of Challenge #2...

J.J.: Now hold on, HOLD ON! Anakin, did you not read the rules? There will be no killing, maiming, dismembering, hacking, slashing, slicing, dicing, or any other forms of mutilation to the contestants by the contestants.

Anakin: But…but Han….we had….we were….and then……….awwww spit!

*J.J. iinspects the Mabbitt tribe’s droid. Palps throws the switch and a sudden spray of tiny frost crystals shoots up in the air, surrounding the tribe. A collective sigh of refreshing relief is uttered from the tribe members.*

J.J: Looks good. Mabbitt wins the challenge! You can now take your little frosty companion back with you to camp. Ooteeni….I’ll see all of you tomorrow for tribal council.

Padme: Orange, Longbottom?

Two weeks?? I’ve been out of it for two weeks and no-one noticed???

Dude, you have no-idea how shocked I was when I woke up. I’m in the desert?? On Tatooine? Woah, major shock for me.

Like, all I last remember was going to sleep the night before we were due to go, and now we’re here. On Tatooine. Can’t get my head round it! I totally do not know what happened at all. I remember drinking some Tia Maria before bed tho… Wait… Do you think…?

Like, this is total sabotage!

Someone must have spiked my drink so I wouldn’t wake up! Like, who could have done that? It could be anyone! Someone from the other team wanting an advantage, someone from our team wanting an easy vote-off. Like, time out! Head spinning here!

‘Kay, I’m totally using my last remaining time here to find out who did this! Like, they are soooo gonna pay.

Which totally reminds me. ORANGE?? Who chose orange for our team?? Its like, the worst colour for my beautiful hair, and I don’t have any shoes that match at all! Like, dudes, what is colour coordination coming to? Why not pink? Why not red? Why not any other colour apart from orange?! *sobs* Why??

And like, where did this giant sand worm come from? This place has totally whacked out without me.

Palps: The shocker...

So our second challenge is to go through the spare parts of a Jawa sand crawler and put together a cooling droid….

Who comes up with this stuff????

Tell me again why I signed up for this show?

So we get into the sandcrawler, and just like everything else on this planet…it stinks something terrible. I think I need to create a new force method to rid an area of all bad odors. Force de-funk I’ll call it.

Qui-Gon goes off in search of the kitchen, apparently to find some brownies. Jar-Jar goes with him mumbiling to himself about coffee.

So Leia, Obi-Wan, Fluke and I begin to go through the piles of rubbish trying to find parts for this droid. I immediately strip off my robe and begin working in my Speedo. I’ve had to keep my robe on up to this point due to the inclement weather, but it’s just too darn hot in that sand crawler to wear it.

Me: Ahhhhhh… That’s much better.

Leia: You know, I was thinking that we could use…* gasp *!!

Obi-Wan: What was that Leia? [turns] … whoa!

Fluke: Yikes!

Me: Now then, I say that we use this power cell for the main cooling motor, and these tubes will work well for…. [pauses] What?? Why is everyone looking at me like that?

Leia: Um..did you know that your yellow banana hammock is showing? *giggle*

Me: Well, yes, of course. *smiling* It’s awfully hot in here, I thought I would make myself more comfortable.

Fluke: Dude! Cover it up!

[Jar-Jar enters]

Jar-Jar: Mesa found soma coffee!! Oh no! [drops coffee mug] [covers his eye stalks] Mesa no looking! Mesa eyes are a burning from the sight of itsa!

Obi-Wan: Palps…it might be a good idea if you cover it back up.

Me: Why would I do that my boy? All the ‘important’ parts are covered?

Obi-Wan: It’s just so uncivilized.

Me: I wear this all the time when I’m on holiday on Naboo? What’s the problem? If you people can’t accept me for who I am, then how can we be a team?

[stunned silence]

Me: Ok, then. Here is a good power source, and this carcass over here should hold all the parts. Fluke, can you hand me that wrench?

So on we went to build the droid. I think it came out pretty good actually?

Typho: Assembly Line

[Turning to Anakin]

"This isn't my forte, but I have an idea. Why don't you tell us what parts to look for, and you do the actual assembly of the droid? Just describe what you need and we'll try to find it. You could assign each of us a specific type of part to look for. We'll bring the pieces to you and you give us a thumbs up or a thumbs down. What do you think?"

Challenge #2: Build a cooling droid

*J.J. stands next to two enormous sandcrawlers. He waits for the respective tribes to walk up.*

J.J: Welcome survivors. I see everyone got through the sandstorm alright?

Palps: Oh…great. Now I know how cat litter feels.

Yoda: Yes. More so now, since presents I’ve been leaving you, hmmm?

Leia: It’s a good thing you’re on the other team, slug boy. You wouldn’t last a second against my fork! Hold me back flyboy!

*Fluke and Obi-Wan look at each other.*

Obi-Wan: Who’s she talking to?

*Fluke shrugs. Rolls eyes. Makes a circular gesture with his finger around his head.*

Dooku: Dear me, could we get on with this.

Typho: Almost two weeks and now he decides to talk.

Dooku: This dreadfully dry climate has made my throat extremely irritated. And without my teas…

Qui-Gon: Wow, for a sith lord, he's kind of priss, aint he?

Dooku: Please, such petty squabbling should be beneath us.

Yoda: In the desert, two weeks now. Smelled what’s beneath you. Least of your problems, squabbling is.

Dooku: Why you insufferable, didactic, proprietor of admonishment!! I’ll…

Siri: That it, Dooks. Hit him with your thesaurus.

J.J.: Okay, okay. I know it’s been a tough start for everyone…

*Han, looking over at Yoda who’s itching to reach for his lightsaber* I never knew the little guy could get so riled up.

Mace: You should see him in the Jedi Cafeteria when they run out of prunes.

J.J.: Today you will be working as a team...if that's possible. As you can see, there are two sandcrawlers here today.

Jar Jar: Eh…exqueeze me…I only see one.

Aayla: The other one’s behind you, fish breath.

Jar Jar: oh…how woud! *Sticks out tongue out at Aayla when she turns away…and gets a first degree sunburn on it.*

J.J: As I was saying, There are two sandcrawlers here –one for each team. Each one has exactly the same items inside of them. Mostly junk. Broken droid pieces, some irons, a rusted out pick-up truck, some toaster ovens, an old pong game…lots of stuff like that. Your challenge today is to have each team go in there and build a droid by nightfall using only the junky pieces found inside. You only have two forms of energy to power your droid: a Bic lighter or a hamster running on a wheel.

Anakin: Man that’s going to be easy.

J.J.: …And it has to be a functioning cooling droid.

Anakin: Awww spit!

J.J.: The droid has to be fully functional by nightfall or that team loses. That means that the cooling droid must be able to cool the air within a thirty foot diameter of itself. It doesn’t need to do anything else but it must be able to do this. You will have to work very hard as a team to complete this challenge in time. The winner of the challenge will be able to take their droid back to camp with them. The loser will be seeing me this Friday for Tribal Council.

Each sandcrawler has hundreds of items so the possibilities are endless.

Padmé: Any possibility that there are some, like, really cute shoes in there?

J.J.: None. Now…Survivors ready? ……Go!

Typho: Mr. Sandman

The dehydration has made me exhausted enough to not notice how claustrophobic it is under the sandworm's hide. It doesn't actually smell so bad, now that it's all dried out.

I can't really sleep, though, despite how tired I am. The howling winds keep me awake. It sounds like the noise shauputs make back on Naboo. Stories about these giant lemurs frightened me as a child and I was always scared that one would reach in my window and snatch me out of my room.

I tried counting banthas for awhile, hoping I'd get sleepy, but that got old quick. Then I started replaying the last couple of days' events in my head, and that's always a bad idea.

There was a lot of trash-talking after the Ooteenis won, which was cool, and some bickering among the Mabbitts after the votes were revealed and Grievous got voted off. Some people got miffed that others had voted for them, but one particular Ooteeni-Mabbitt exchange has stuck in my head:

Obi-Wan: Who voted for me? You need me, I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi!
Siri: "You need me, I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi?" Who is "you"? Aayla only you mean?


Okay, I have to ask myself, what was up with that?

Was she just busting his chops, or is she jealous of the other Jedi?

And why am I lying awake in the middle of the night thinking about this two-second exchange, two days later?

And who or what KEEPS JABBING ME IN MY SIDE?

That better be a blaster or a lightsaber, and it better belong to a female.

Yoda: Sandstorm Stink

Yesterday, (or the day before, was it? Lost track I have) a sand storm warning we received. Stay calm these hosers did not. Running around, they were, "Going to do what, we are?" yelling they were.

Panicked I had not. What I was going to do, I knew. A plan I had. A very good plan it was. Very well thought out it was. Impressed by my own cleverness, I was.

Want to know what my super-smart plan was, do you? Ok, show you I will. See, while coming the sand would be, and running around wondering what to do everyone else was, like this I would go:
[scroll down, you must]













For some strange reason, work out that well this did not. In to my eyes and mouth, sand still came. Hmm...odd that was.

So bad it got, that wrap ourselves tightly in the sand worm skin, we did. All of us. Pleasant this was not. Like a giant dufus burrito it was, with extra dufus. All crammed together we were. Ever been in that much physical contact with that many people at the same time I have not. And tell you let me, a pleasant place to have your face, Solo's armpit is not!

Palps: Hmmmm…something is not right

We are currently stuck in the cave here on Tatooine due to an enormous sandstorm raging outside. It wouldn’t be so bad if eating all that leftover dewback from the challenge wasn’t affecting my stomach so poorly.

We were all sad to see General Grievous go, but it is part of the game. He was useful in fighting off the sand people during their nightly raids, but that incessant coughing was really starting to get on my nerves.

After he left I snuck off to see him and make sure that he had his plans in place for the eventual assault on Coruscant. He tends to forget details sometimes, perhaps a short in that droid encased brain of his.

I received my latest e-mail from Tahara. She said everything was OK, but she didn’t bother to spell check the e-mail. Her typing also seemed to be a little slurred with lots of grammatical errors.

I think I need to check the usage report and possibly reset the PIN on the liquor cabinet through the secure web interface. I suspect she may be hitting the sauce.

I hope not…good help is so hard to find and Lord Maul is starting to take a liking to her.

Severe sandstorm warning!

A severe sandstorm warning has been issued to the Dune Sea and Tusken raider highlands north of Mos Eisley. Please be advised, this sandstorm may last up to 48 hours. Those in the vicinity are advised to take shelter…and grit your teeth.

(It's a good thing no settlements are in the area...Who the hell would be out there anyway...)