Saturday, July 30, 2005

Jar Jar: Help!

GETTEN MESA OUTTA HERE!!!

rescue

OK *gets fluke, leia and qui together* we need to act fast if we want fish boy- i mean Jar Jar back! Ive spoken to padme and she'll let us borrow her rocket launcher. Ive askd anakin to help as I know he has a fetish for slaughtering sand people.

Fluke: go and suck up to Han: try to steal his plane. once you have done this do an aireal survey of the land.
leia: you, anakin and I will go ank kick butt once Fluke gets back with info.
Qui: cook some brownies to help fluke suck up to Han, and some for us aswell; I think we'll need them!
Aayla: you stay in the cave I'm not having my best girl hurt for a reptillian clerk who couldnt spell his own name if it were written in front of him ..... um I mean Jar Jar
Palps: Go boil your bottom.

OK GO!

Jar Jar's gone missing!

It seems while he was wandering the desert looking for colorful grains of sand, he was abducted and taken away!

They left this note in his place.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Tribal Council: Week Two

*J.J. brings back the hollowed out skull of a womp rat that is used as the voting vessel and stands before the Ooteeni Tribe.*








(Thanks to Qui-Gon for the Lego Logos! Brownie points for you)


J.J: Now that the votes are in, I’ll read the votes.






First vote…..wha? EEEEeeeeeeewwww! What the-? Who left a? Aww crap! Someone get me a towel.


*Low cackling noises from the Ooteeni tribe*



(five minutes later….)



Alright. Now that the votes and my hands have been sterilized….






The first vote…….Mace Windu










Second vote…..Han Solo











……..Mace











………Han












………Han









……..Mace. That’s three for Mace, three for Han.








…….Mace.







….The second person voted off Survivor:Tatooine...Mace Windu.









Mace…the tribe has spoken.

…So that’s what the caption should read for this picture in Yoda’s blog.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

siri:err....voting

i hate voting!but i have to do it...
(write down something and fold it and put it in)
sorry,guy.wish you good luck.and wish me good luck.

Dooku: Into the abyss...

So, chaps, the time has come.
Vote time.

*slides voting slip into box*

Tally-ho!

Yoda: Voted I Have

So, voting I am. Really, who goes matters not. All doofuses they are anyway. Eeeny meeny miney...who cares. The first name I think of, write down I will.

OK, here goes.

Wait, I think leave a little "present" in the box I will...hee hee hee hee.

Know who did it, no one will.



Want to know what happened today do you? Ok, tell you I will.

Well, tell Young Skywalker I said this, do not (the big head he will get), but brilliant he was. Just like Jedi Master McGyver he was. A whole working cooling droid out of an Easy Bake Oven and clown wigs he built.

Later, when looking Young Skywalker was not, decide that some modding the droid needed, Solo (King of Doofuses) did.

"Do that you should not," I said, "Happy, Young Skywalker will not be."

"Beat it, Shorty," Solo said, "I think I know my way around a cooling droid."

"Oooookaaaaay... that fond of your hands you are not, I hope."

Anyway what happened, you know. Immediately after the challenge, taking Solo's hands, Young Skywalker tried. Using the Force, punch himself out with his own roboclaw I made Young Skywalker. For his own good it was. But get off that easy, Solo will not. Later, let Young Skywalker give him a major Force-Wedgie I will.

Anakin: whacked-out voting

Gotta say... no, wait, I don't gotta say. This is secret, yo.

*Brushes his roboclaw off his chest and Force-levitates the ballot into the box*

Glad you're awake, Pads. Your presence is... soothing. Or whatevs.

Han: My Vote

In a game like this, it's all about trust. Do you trust your teammates? Do they trust you?

*hesitates*

*shrugs*

*writes down a name and slips it into the slot*

Typho: My Vote

[Typho confidently writes a name on a piece of paper, folds it, and slips it into the slot.]

"The choice was a no-brainer," he says to the audience, spreading his hands in a "don't blame me" gesture.

And the winner of Challenge #2...

J.J.: Now hold on, HOLD ON! Anakin, did you not read the rules? There will be no killing, maiming, dismembering, hacking, slashing, slicing, dicing, or any other forms of mutilation to the contestants by the contestants.

Anakin: But…but Han….we had….we were….and then……….awwww spit!

*J.J. iinspects the Mabbitt tribe’s droid. Palps throws the switch and a sudden spray of tiny frost crystals shoots up in the air, surrounding the tribe. A collective sigh of refreshing relief is uttered from the tribe members.*

J.J: Looks good. Mabbitt wins the challenge! You can now take your little frosty companion back with you to camp. Ooteeni….I’ll see all of you tomorrow for tribal council.

Padme: Orange, Longbottom?

Two weeks?? I’ve been out of it for two weeks and no-one noticed???

Dude, you have no-idea how shocked I was when I woke up. I’m in the desert?? On Tatooine? Woah, major shock for me.

Like, all I last remember was going to sleep the night before we were due to go, and now we’re here. On Tatooine. Can’t get my head round it! I totally do not know what happened at all. I remember drinking some Tia Maria before bed tho… Wait… Do you think…?

Like, this is total sabotage!

Someone must have spiked my drink so I wouldn’t wake up! Like, who could have done that? It could be anyone! Someone from the other team wanting an advantage, someone from our team wanting an easy vote-off. Like, time out! Head spinning here!

‘Kay, I’m totally using my last remaining time here to find out who did this! Like, they are soooo gonna pay.

Which totally reminds me. ORANGE?? Who chose orange for our team?? Its like, the worst colour for my beautiful hair, and I don’t have any shoes that match at all! Like, dudes, what is colour coordination coming to? Why not pink? Why not red? Why not any other colour apart from orange?! *sobs* Why??

And like, where did this giant sand worm come from? This place has totally whacked out without me.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Qui-Gon : Treats in the Trash

It's been two weeks since I've had a brownie. They've no longer been the foremost thought in my mind. The serious withdrawal effects have passed and I feel more determined than I have for quite a while, man.
Fluke is, like, far out. He can be, like, a bit righteous for my tastes, but in many respects, he deserves to be. He totally came through with the wicked cooling droid, and more than, like, giving us a sure-fire win, he has united us all in our fight against the Man... I mean, the Ooteenis.
As we were rummaging through the mounds of droid parts, droids, restraining bolts, hydrospanners, Vectrexs, blaster bits, burnt out RAM, AOL starter discs, power couplings, hyper-drive units, swoop swivels, GC to GBA cables, 40cc lenses, woofers, sub-woofers, tweeters, cowbells, Desert Eagles, Bantha prods, Atma Weapons, laserdiscs, speeder spark-plugs, hamburger controllers, insta-scoop litter pans, drained batteries, hoola-hoops, giga-pets, a transmission for a '74 Gremlin, bad thermal detonators, good thermal detonators, active thermal detonators, Gunk(R), Goop(R), Gak(R), Gelatinous Ooze(R), Uncle Knickknack's summer wardrobe, Uncle Knickknack's winter wardrobe, Uncle Knickknack, marbles, 2 gold doubloons, a plastic treasure chest (plastic!), left socks, a holocaust cloak, and an LP of the Happy Chipmunks sing the Greatest Hits of Barry White, I found them.
A 'Stellar Six Pak(TM)' of Uncle Jinn and J.J.'s Home-made Super Fudgy Special Spiced Brownies (R).
My first impulse was to gob the whole pack, man. I mean, who would know, right?
Then I looked at my team, rooting through the mounds of crap (Like, no offence, J.J., but you Jawas need to learn that cracked polycarbonadium deflector units and Pogs are garbage, seriously). They were working so hard. Leia shovelled through with her fork. Aayla was digging, trying to ignore the fact that Ben was wearing a hat of folded fibre glass. Jar Jar was working hard to find more coffee beans. Palps was even searching, sporting his gawdawful Speedos (Get a tan, man!). Fluke was running the show, while working on Frosty the Droid.
These people will be sharing my life for the next few months. The least I can do is share my brownies with them.
Have a brownie, guys. You lot deserve it.
Master Qui-Gon Jinn

Anakin: Letting the hate flow....

*the team is waiting to present the droid. Anakin keeps having to slap his roboclaw off his own shoulder. Everyone is glowing with confidence - their droid is a wonderful working example of engineering genius. Or so Anakin keeps pointing out.*

*JJ enters with clipboard*

JJ: Okay, what do we have here?

Anakin: The most kickinest coolin unit this side of Dantooine, G.

JJ: Alright, well, it's nice and.... pink... let's see if it works.

Padme: Isn't the pink great? I think we should totally, like, get extra points for prettiness.

*Anakin flips the power switch, and they wait. And wait. And wait. They're all beginning to look rather nervous. Suddenly, there is a dinging noise, and the oven part of the unit pops open, revealing a burnt cupcake. The whole unit implodes.*

JJ: Uh... huh.

Anakin: But...

Han: Well, huh, I should really be... checking on...

*Anakin's eyes flash yellow, and he pulls out his lightsaber*

Anakin: Lord of the Droids

So check it: this challenge to to built a kickin' cooling droid-thing, right? No probs. I can do that shizzy in my sleep. Course my attempt to do it in my sleep didn't work out, but whatevs. Anyway, in addition to the stuff I asked for yesterday, I thought of some new stuff that might be good too.

12 - 20v Servo motors
_1 - 40 lb air compressor
_2 - Mid-spectrum occular units (matching)
_4 feet of insulated copper tubing
_ .35 retrounit
_ 3 3mm hydro-changers

See, but here's the prob. Nobody brought back any of that shizzy. ANY of it. I mean, how hard could it be, yo? That stuff was always jus lyin around Watto's shop - you think Jawas'd have it too, but this contest is so rigged. Whack. But I still gotta build a droid... problem is, I gotta build it using this stuff:

1 - Casio Calculator Watch (broken)
1 - "My Little Pony" Easy Bake Oven
1 - Slinky
1 - Box of assorted vacuum cleaner attachments
1 - Pair of stiletto heel shoes
27 - Assorted Clown Wigs
1 - Pair of fuzzy dice
1 - Tickle Me Elmo
1 - Magic 8 Ball
1 - Handful of pocket lint

First off all ,tiz-eam: where the spit did all the clown wigs come from, yo? That's... shuh.

How'm I s'posed to make an illin droid with this? And another thing, .... OW! Okay, totally whack. My roboclaw jus pinched my own self. Not cool. Not cool. Maybe takin the glove off to threaten Dooku wasn't the best idea.

Okay, okay, okay. I ain't the Chosen One for nothing... jus... let the Force flow through.... OW! Frackin' roboclaw! Okay, I can do this spit one-handed, no probs.

*starts muttering too himself and draining the fluid from the Magic 8 ball, attaching it to the Easy Bake oven using the slinky. Takes apart the Tickle-Me Elmo and uses the limb-supports as fan blades. The roboclaw starts running itself through his hair, but he lays the smackdown on it and keeps working*

*several hours later*

There! Ya'll can bow down before me now.



A workin ciz-ooling unit, yo.

Starbucker: Let's tweak this a tad

we join the Mabbitts as they huddle around their droid...

PALPS: "Ahhh...feel that cool air? HM?"

AAYLA: "Well, I do...but I gotta be standing right here to feel it..."

Leia shoves Aayla and stands in her now vacant spot

LEIA: "Oh yeah, I feel it now."

BEN: "?erom od ti ekam ew naC"

FLUKE: "I think we could, if only we had a inverse piston-driven thrimbobulator..."

tribe members look at one another...

LEIA: "ah-HA!!! Like This?" she holds out her fork proudly

FLUKE: "uh, no....not exactly..."

QGJ appears to Ben

BEN: "?ekil skool 'rotalubobmirht nevird-notsip esrevni' a tahw wonk ot stnaw nniJ noG-iuQ retsaM"

FLUKE: "Well... it's about yea big he makes a gesture wth his hands, and has tubing running around it like this, and two fans, and normally has the initials 'IPDT' on one side....but being that small, we'll never locate one in this heap of junk in time to install it. It would allow the droid to draw the limited moisture in the air down into close proximity of the droid itself, where we might be able to make it cool the air down in a radius proportionate to the reticular moletric cavity of trombonesisceptulism - which would be well more than the 30 feet diameter requirement for this challenge, I assure you."

JAR JAR: "Mesa forgetten yousa farmin de wetten tings fo yousa liven, Flukey"

BEN: "!esoht fo eno was eh skniht noG-iuQ retsaM"

Ben begins digging under QGJ's guidance

AAYLA: "It's so awesome how QGJ can search through this rubble without having to dig!"

BEN: "?od siht lliW !ad-aT"

FLUKE: "That just might do it."

FLuke takes the item from Ben, then lays down on the ground and rolls over to the droid. Once there, he stands up, opens the compartmental hatch and begins tinkering... He bangs a knuckle

FLUKE: "OWWW! Dagnabbit!"

PALPS: laughing "Good. Let your agressive feelings guide you boy."

EVERYONE ELSE: collectively "Huh?"

PALPS: "uh...nothing. Do continue, young Starbucker."

moments pass

FLUKE: "There now, the droid is capable of drawing in moisture."

JAR JAR: waving hand in droids air flow "Mesa tink der airis mucho mucho hotero nowsa."

FLUKE: "Oh, I didn't even think about that, we'll need another signifcant piece in order for the droid to be able to cool down the excess moisture it's now collecting. If only we had a flux capacitor"

LEIA: "Like this one?" holding out her fork

JAR JAR: "Mesa tinks Flukey wantsa theesa!"

BEN: "?taht teg uoy did erehw, raJ raJ"

JAR JAR: "It fallsa on mesa noggin in der crarwlin ting."

FLUKE: "That's it! Good job, JarJar!"

Fluke begins tinkering some more

FLUKE: "Where'd I put my sabre? Oh, there it is...Chancellor, would you be so kind as to hand that to me?"

PALPS: patting Fluke's lightsabre"You want this, don't you? The hate is swelling in you now. Take your Jedi weapon. Use it. The droid is unarmed. Strike it down. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment, you make yourself more my servan... cuts himself off and looks around sheepishly... uh, scratch that. Here you go."

Everyone stares at Palps, who shrugs his shoulders.

AAYLA: "What do you need that for?"

FLUKE: "My screwdriver. Check it out."

Free Image Hosting - www.supload.com

Swiss Army Mods

FLUKE: "Now we just need to get this hamster going."

LEIA: "Got it covered!" she steps up and pokes it with her fork....

...and so, as the hamster runs the droid began to liquify mositure particles in mid air, thus creating rain...the YFotNJOW twists on some levers, and the rain begins crystallizing, and snow is created in the middle of the desert... the change is so intense that Palps puts his clothes back on....much to everyone's delight.

LEIA: dancing and playfully smacking herself in the rump with her fork..."Woo-hoo! We're gonna whoop that butt!"

Jar Jar: Thissen will worken. Mesa sure of itsa.

Der others noah seemen to need mesa. Theysa can worken dissen cooling droid by themsaselves. Mesa gonna make mesa own droid. Aayla issen getten sick of mesa snatching hersa coffee maker, so mesa needen a coffee maken droid to perfect mesa blend. Mesa will still needen to learn to speak tusky raider-ese, so mesa can swappen der coffee for theirsa friendship. But thatsa issen a problem for der future.

Thissen will be noah ordinary coffee droid. Mesa wanten der perfect coffee maken machine. Der parts from der sandcrawly's coffee maker issen insufficient. Mesa needen parts dat issen infused with der essence of coffee-ness, right to der core. Normally, dissen requiren dat der parts be submergen in fine coffee beans for three days and nights, preferably under de full moon. Der Jawas mussen have something in here...

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Leia agenn

Our droid's turned out great. It's even got a little set of bendy eyes we made from the mechanical maggot carcass we found in the sandcrawler. It has a built-in cage, where the super hamster of power goes. When our hamster goes, he whoops butt! He's like a little lightning streak, cold and cruel and merciless, not stopping for anything. His name is Pippin. And the droid plays ping-pong like someone who's good at ping-pong. It does other stuff, but I dunno what. It's not my job to pay attention, is it?

Is it?

Palps showed off his yellow bananahammock today. That was just really, really strange. I think Ben's still getting over the shock of seeing that. For some reason he's acting like a real crap bag, talking backwards. That really scares me because it takes a real genius to figure out how to talk fluently like that. God, this place is turning everyone into a freak... *Sigh* Not another round of desert undie-bowling...

Aayla: Cooling Droid

I admit we had a rough time finding the correct parts inside the sandcrawler. We had to dig through piles of staircruiser parts, nail polish, R-Unit parts, banana peels, various metals of which I had no idea what used to be, animal carcasses, broken lightsaber hilts, moldy waffles, etc.

None of us actually knew how to built a cooling droid; but luckily for us, we have the moisture farmer guy, Fluke. He really has proved to be quite useful so far.

While he was barking orders in some weird "technilogical language" to the speedo-clad Palpatine, Jar Jar, and the halfway-muted Obi-wan, Leia and I were trying to catch our runaway hamster. J.J. had said if we lost him, we wouldn't get another one. Luckily, we found him inside a toaster oven that Obi-Wan was chewing on.

Obi-Wan: *Stupid Grin*
Leia: "Obi-Wan! That's out cooling unit's source of power!"
Obi-Wan: "Mwraraooooor!" *Shakes toaster oven above head, causing multiple thumping noises due to the hamster's body hitting the sides*
Me: "That's ridiculous! Hamster's can't fly! Especially not launched from toaster ovens!"
Obi-Wan: *Another stupid grin* "Ehbgggeeee?"
Me: *Sigh* "No...Give us the hamster, please."
Obi-Wan: *opens toaster oven to reveal a slightly dizzy hamster*
Hamster: *hic*
Leia: "You didn't give it beer, did you?"
Obi-Wan: "Mrwaaaaaarblll."
Leia: *Picks up hamster* "Aww...I think the poor thing has a hangover.."

As you can see, things went rather smoothly, and we made a very nicely functining cooling droid(not to mention pretty!).

Anakin: Finally!

A'ight, team. Gonna take the T-dawg's suggestion on this one. Ya'll need to bring me the following:

1. outer body unit (a box and some wheels'll do)
2. motivator unit (look for the little wires stickin up from the plate)
3. stuff to use as fan blades
4. some kind of food
5. string, silly putty, and some sort of fanbelt
6. the remaining beer, if any
7. copper wiring

Just throw it over here when you find it, and we'll so have the illest cooling droid-thing ever. Or, at least a better one than those haters on the other tribe.

obiagain

yhgeeeeeeee ooooooodyepuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrf hgraaaaaaaaawM .I I I on ho ,espaler a trats t'nseod ti epoh I !ynnuf og daeh ym ekam ot gnitrats sti haow !ereh tou F051 tseat ta stI .em ot teg ot gnitrats ylear si taeh eht hoaw.

mwwwwaaargh *points at droid* uuumgwargh *poinst at jar jar* eeeeeegqueie *indicats salt and pepper*

Aayla: *slaps Obi's hand* NO OBI NO, No eating Jar Jar
Fluke: whats happend to him?
Palps: Well I always thought that he was always mentaly unstable
Aayla: *throws sharp look at palps*
Leia: I think a combination of the heat, sand and lack of beer has effected him, we need to get him to a pub as soon as possible or he may never fully recover!

Fluke: but what are we going to do about the task?
Leia: oh! oh yeah, well we'll do that instead.

Palps: The shocker...

So our second challenge is to go through the spare parts of a Jawa sand crawler and put together a cooling droid….

Who comes up with this stuff????

Tell me again why I signed up for this show?

So we get into the sandcrawler, and just like everything else on this planet…it stinks something terrible. I think I need to create a new force method to rid an area of all bad odors. Force de-funk I’ll call it.

Qui-Gon goes off in search of the kitchen, apparently to find some brownies. Jar-Jar goes with him mumbiling to himself about coffee.

So Leia, Obi-Wan, Fluke and I begin to go through the piles of rubbish trying to find parts for this droid. I immediately strip off my robe and begin working in my Speedo. I’ve had to keep my robe on up to this point due to the inclement weather, but it’s just too darn hot in that sand crawler to wear it.

Me: Ahhhhhh… That’s much better.

Leia: You know, I was thinking that we could use…* gasp *!!

Obi-Wan: What was that Leia? [turns] … whoa!

Fluke: Yikes!

Me: Now then, I say that we use this power cell for the main cooling motor, and these tubes will work well for…. [pauses] What?? Why is everyone looking at me like that?

Leia: Um..did you know that your yellow banana hammock is showing? *giggle*

Me: Well, yes, of course. *smiling* It’s awfully hot in here, I thought I would make myself more comfortable.

Fluke: Dude! Cover it up!

[Jar-Jar enters]

Jar-Jar: Mesa found soma coffee!! Oh no! [drops coffee mug] [covers his eye stalks] Mesa no looking! Mesa eyes are a burning from the sight of itsa!

Obi-Wan: Palps…it might be a good idea if you cover it back up.

Me: Why would I do that my boy? All the ‘important’ parts are covered?

Obi-Wan: It’s just so uncivilized.

Me: I wear this all the time when I’m on holiday on Naboo? What’s the problem? If you people can’t accept me for who I am, then how can we be a team?

[stunned silence]

Me: Ok, then. Here is a good power source, and this carcass over here should hold all the parts. Fluke, can you hand me that wrench?

So on we went to build the droid. I think it came out pretty good actually?


Typho: Assembly Line

[Turning to Anakin]

"This isn't my forte, but I have an idea. Why don't you tell us what parts to look for, and you do the actual assembly of the droid? Just describe what you need and we'll try to find it. You could assign each of us a specific type of part to look for. We'll bring the pieces to you and you give us a thumbs up or a thumbs down. What do you think?"

Challenge #2: Build a cooling droid

*J.J. stands next to two enormous sandcrawlers. He waits for the respective tribes to walk up.*

J.J: Welcome survivors. I see everyone got through the sandstorm alright?

Palps: Oh…great. Now I know how cat litter feels.

Yoda: Yes. More so now, since presents I’ve been leaving you, hmmm?

Leia: It’s a good thing you’re on the other team, slug boy. You wouldn’t last a second against my fork! Hold me back flyboy!

*Fluke and Obi-Wan look at each other.*

Obi-Wan: Who’s she talking to?

*Fluke shrugs. Rolls eyes. Makes a circular gesture with his finger around his head.*

Dooku: Dear me, could we get on with this.

Typho: Almost two weeks and now he decides to talk.

Dooku: This dreadfully dry climate has made my throat extremely irritated. And without my teas…

Qui-Gon: Wow, for a sith lord, he's kind of priss, aint he?

Dooku: Please, such petty squabbling should be beneath us.

Yoda: In the desert, two weeks now. Smelled what’s beneath you. Least of your problems, squabbling is.

Dooku: Why you insufferable, didactic, proprietor of admonishment!! I’ll…

Siri: That it, Dooks. Hit him with your thesaurus.

J.J.: Okay, okay. I know it’s been a tough start for everyone…

*Han, looking over at Yoda who’s itching to reach for his lightsaber* I never knew the little guy could get so riled up.

Mace: You should see him in the Jedi Cafeteria when they run out of prunes.

J.J.: Today you will be working as a team...if that's possible. As you can see, there are two sandcrawlers here today.








J
ar Jar: Eh…exqueeze me…I only see one.

Aayla: The other one’s behind you, fish breath.

Jar Jar: oh…how woud! *Sticks out tongue out at Aayla when she turns away…and gets a first degree sunburn on it.*

J.J: As I was saying, There are two sandcrawlers here –one for each team. Each one has exactly the same items inside of them. Mostly junk. Broken droid pieces, some irons, a rusted out pick-up truck, some toaster ovens, an old pong game…lots of stuff like that. Your challenge today is to have each team go in there and build a droid by nightfall using only the junky pieces found inside. You only have two forms of energy to power your droid: a Bic lighter or a hamster running on a wheel.

Anakin: Man that’s going to be easy.

J.J.: …And it has to be a functioning cooling droid.

Anakin: Awww spit!

J.J.: The droid has to be fully functional by nightfall or that team loses. That means that the cooling droid must be able to cool the air within a thirty foot diameter of itself. It doesn’t need to do anything else but it must be able to do this. You will have to work very hard as a team to complete this challenge in time. The winner of the challenge will be able to take their droid back to camp with them. The loser will be seeing me this Friday for Tribal Council.

Each sandcrawler has hundreds of items so the possibilities are endless.

Padmé: Any possibility that there are some, like, really cute shoes in there?

J.J.: None. Now…Survivors ready? ……Go!

siri:obi-ani-typho sandwich

firstly,a big thanks to ani for this funny sandwich idea.secondly,i find that this sandwich is not fun.thirdly,i don't like such a big sandwich.fourthly,this sandwich is troublesome.fifthly,errrr...i don't like sandwich at all!!!(and actually i like cheese cake more.)

Monday, July 25, 2005

Typho: Mr. Sandman



The dehydration has made me exhausted enough to not notice how claustrophobic it is under the sandworm's hide. It doesn't actually smell so bad, now that it's all dried out.

I can't really sleep, though, despite how tired I am. The howling winds keep me awake. It sounds like the noise shauputs make back on Naboo. Stories about these giant lemurs frightened me as a child and I was always scared that one would reach in my window and snatch me out of my room.

I tried counting banthas for awhile, hoping I'd get sleepy, but that got old quick. Then I started replaying the last couple of days' events in my head, and that's always a bad idea.

There was a lot of trash-talking after the Ooteenis won, which was cool, and some bickering among the Mabbitts after the votes were revealed and Grievous got voted off. Some people got miffed that others had voted for them, but
one particular Ooteeni-Mabbitt exchange has stuck in my head:

Obi-Wan: Who voted for me? You need me, I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi!
Siri: "You need me, I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi?" Who is "you"? Aayla only you mean?


Okay, I have to ask myself, what was up with that?

Was she just busting his chops, or is she jealous of the other Jedi?

And why am I lying awake in the middle of the night thinking about this two-second exchange, two days later?

And who or what KEEPS JABBING ME IN MY SIDE?

That better be a blaster or a lightsaber, and it better belong to a female.

Han: Mos Eisley Story

Wrapped up in worm-skin and waiting for the storm to pass, I decided to finish the tale of our Mos Eisley adventure:

Our first stop was the Cantina. I had almost nothing but my dime and my luck, but for me, that's plenty. The story is long and boring, and these are all old tricks that just about everyone knows, but I'll summarize it for you:

I tricked a Quarren into buying me drinks, and used the drinks as bait. I got a Duros to play decicred spin with me and earned a full credit that way before I lost. I doubled my money with the pepper trick against a Rodian/Jawa team, and squeezed another credit from a Squib with the sweet-cube trick. The Squib knew it was a trick; she said she was paying for the entertainment.

Then a Dug came in. Man, I don't like Dugs, and this one was worse than average, greedier and dumber than any other I've met. We played blow the bottle and he lost and TRIED AGAIN (double or nothing) and lost AGAIN, which brought me up to 6 credits. I traded halfcreds for credits and now I had 12. Instead of taking off after that trick, the Dug stuck around for my finale, and I pulled the money box on him and ended up with 18 credits. I made a fast getaway with the Squib while the Dug was still working the math.

The Squib led me to a Sabacc game, and in a Sabacc game, 18 credits is enough seed for me. I played the night away.

I had maybe 4000 credits when I returned to the Cantina to get Anakin. He was still at the bar, but there appeared to be a DO NOT ENTER zone around him. When the Cantina is crowded, it can be tough to find a seat at all, and Anakin had two on either side of him. Odd.

I asked the bartender how much he owed, and he said "1000". A THOUSAND CREDITS? For DRINKS? No, Ani's drinks were free (he had an apparently endless line of patrons volunteering to buy drinks for him). The money was for "the mess", whatever that meant.

Well, frack, that took half my winnings right off the bat and we hadn't purchased a shelter or transportation yet. I couldn't go back to the Sabacc game (no one would play against me anymore).

As we were leaving the Cantina I noticed what looked like blood on Anakin's boots, but I thought better than to ask him about it.

We probably spent an hour looking for a place that sold shelters, and came up with nothing. What's the deal? Almost nothing about Mos Eisley was how I remembered it.

Well, at least we wouldn't have to walk back to camp. There were no Jawa dealers around, but we found a junkyard.

"Check this baby out!" the dealer cried, "an old medical transport, still mostly functional!"

It had definitely seen better days. "The tails off," I pointed out.

"No it isn't!"

"What's that on the ground then?"

"Ah, it's detachable!"

"Don't worry, yo," Anakin said, "I can fly anything with wings."

"It doesn't have any wings," I said.

"Oh!" exclaimed the dealer, "It does! They're inside!"

"Detachable, like the tail?" I asked.

"Uh, sure!"

"Whatevs," Anakin said, "I can still fly it."

With little other options, we bought it. 2000 credits for that hunk of junk. Luckily, I had managed to run across someone I know from old Mos Eisley. A couple of mechanics that I would trust the Falcon to, and that's saying a lot. They were young, but I knew what skills they were capable of.

I asked them for the works.

They primed it,
fixed the motors,
reattached the wings,
and repainted it.
It cost my remaining 1000 credits, but I was quite pleased with the way it turned out.

Now we just had to fly back to camp...

Anakin: Mmm.... burritos....

So Y-dawg compared us to a doofus burrito. Which just made me hungry. Luckily, I gots to be able to be the middle in a Padme-Siri sandwich, so all is right in the Chosen One's world.

Problem is, though, I think the sand shorted out my roboclaw's ability to, like, listen to my brain. It still works 'n spit, but it keeps doin what I don't want it to do. Like pinchin people. Well, okay, so sometimes I like pinchin people and blaming the hand, but now it's really not my fault, yo. And it's really only fun if I get to pinch Obs, 'cause he screams like a little girl. What with the not having sensation in the fingers, or anything.

Anyways, I still think we shoulda gone to the Lars', but I guess I didn't actually say that out loud, so we didn't. You'd think with a buncha Masters on this team, ya'll would be able to sense my kickin ideas, but whatevs. Or maybe I just dreamed I thought of going to the Lars' while I was passed out the other day. Whatevs. Too late now, anyway.

I'm thinkin of cutting off some of the extra fabric on my illin clothes and makin sand pillows. Then we can have sand pillow fights, and everybody will get to look at my ripped abs. Win-win!

Yoda: Sandstorm Stink

Yesterday, (or the day before, was it? Lost track I have) a sand storm warning we received. Stay calm these hosers did not. Running around, they were, "Going to do what, we are?" yelling they were.

Panicked I had not. What I was going to do, I knew. A plan I had. A very good plan it was. Very well thought out it was. Impressed by my own cleverness, I was.

Want to know what my super-smart plan was, do you? Ok, show you I will. See, while coming the sand would be, and running around wondering what to do everyone else was, like this I would go:
[scroll down, you must]













For some strange reason, work out that well this did not. In to my eyes and mouth, sand still came. Hmm...odd that was.

So bad it got, that wrap ourselves tightly in the sand worm skin, we did. All of us. Pleasant this was not. Like a giant dufus burrito it was, with extra dufus. All crammed together we were. Ever been in that much physical contact with that many people at the same time I have not. And tell you let me, a pleasant place to have your face, Solo's armpit is not!

Aayla: Stuck in a Cave

This sandstorm outside is really trying my patience.

First off, all we have to eat is dewback meat. I mean, I'm not complaining or anything...It isn't so bad...if you like the taste of rubber dipped in wookie snot.
Another thing is that I can't make coffee with sand...and Jar Jar keeps trying to steal my coffee pot. What is it with him and coffee? Sheesh...

Being stuck with my tribe, I can live with. Obi-Wan is....*druel*..ehm..entertaining...with all his...um...drunken scottish dances. Palpy is always sitting in a corner staring at the wall, and every so often, he'd glance back at us and cackle. It's kind of creepy. Fluke's been having gas. Quiggy...well, he's Quiggy. Leia's fun to talk to.

The company doesn't make up for the weather, though. The blue of my skin is deepening from blue to purple due to the sun. I could use some water...my lips are chapped, and to tell the truth, I'm downright parched. A shower would be nice, as well. Unfortunately, the majority of the Mabbitt tribe is male, so I don't foresee that happening anytime soon.

I am grateful for this cave, despite all the disadvantages. It's far better than having two suns blaze down on you. It feels like an armpit out there.

Even so, I can't wait for the sandstorm to pass over.

OBI update

uuuurgh Ive got eye in my sand, honestly this stuff gets everywhere! I took a page out of anakins book and slaughterd a few sand people to build a large barrier out of. Palps sugested we should just get in the cave. ¬_¬ some people don't know how to live. Anyway I think things are going to a new level with me and Aayla, were getting real close stuck in the desert and all he maybe one day we'll get mar.... um err we'll get to errr, well we'll get to do cool stuff together like buy kettles and fridges and such......*looks round shiftily tries to deleat recording*

Palps: Hmmmm…something is not right

We are currently stuck in the cave here on Tatooine due to an enormous sandstorm raging outside. It wouldn’t be so bad if eating all that leftover dewback from the challenge wasn’t affecting my stomach so poorly.

We were all sad to see General Grievous go, but it is part of the game. He was useful in fighting off the sand people during their nightly raids, but that incessant coughing was really starting to get on my nerves.

After he left I snuck off to see him and make sure that he had his plans in place for the eventual assault on Coruscant. He tends to forget details sometimes, perhaps a short in that droid encased brain of his.

I received my latest e-mail from Tahara. She said everything was OK, but she didn’t bother to spell check the e-mail. Her typing also seemed to be a little slurred with lots of grammatical errors.

I think I need to check the usage report and possibly reset the PIN on the liquor cabinet through the secure web interface. I suspect she may be hitting the sauce.

I hope not…good help is so hard to find and Lord Maul is starting to take a liking to her.

Starbucker: No more Dewback Sand-wiches for me

Man, my throat is so dry...the well is unreachable while this sandstorm is raging...so here we sit in the darkness of the cave. No one smiling, no one talking, everyone's just watching one another.

The only sounds right now are the roar of the raging wind just through the winding tunnel that leads into the ferocity of the storm, and the occasional splashes of sand that make their way into our chamber. Thank the Spores for this cave. While there's sand everywhere, it's not nearly as thick as it would be out in the open....and while it's hotter than one of JJ's dimestore blasters, it's not nearly as bad as it would be directly in the suns.

While the storm rages on outside the cave...the atmosphere inside isn't all that much better following the first vote. There were some suprises, and now some are wondering who voted for whom... and why... I'm fearful it may strain our teamwork in future challenges ...but I'm even more fearful about what I'm discovering regarding our Dewback jerky, Dewback steak, Dewback ke-babs, Dewback ribs, Dewback roast, Dewback cracklins, Dewback tripe, Dewback chitlins, Dewback chops, Dewback stew, Dewback liver, Dewback lips, and Dewback cheese:


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Starbucker out

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Severe sandstorm warning!












A severe sandstorm warning has been issued to the
Dune Sea and Tusken raider highlands north of Mos Eisley. Please be advised, this sandstorm may last up to 48 hours. Those in the vicinity are advised to take shelter…and grit your teeth.

(It's a good thing no settlements are in the area...Who the hell would be out there anyway...)

Han: At The Ooteeni Celebration

Yoda: Han, mah booki. I sense much beer in you. Beer leads to intoxication, intoxication leads to hangover, hangover leads to suffering!

Han: Beg your pardon?

Dooku: Is Yoda drunk?

Windu: Yeah, he's doing his "I sense much beer in you" thing. He's not even doing it right, it's beer leads to drunk, drunk leads to hunger, hunger leads to kebab, kebab leads to pavement.

Dooku: What are you talking about? That's rubbish; you have too many steps. It's Beer leads to hunger, hunger leads to steak, steak leads to stir-frying.

Yoda: No! Fry not!

Windu: Oh no.

Dooku: Not this again.

Yoda: Stew! Or stew not.

Dooku and Windu: There is no fry!

Dooku: Yes, old man, we know.

Typho: What are you guys arguing about?

Han: Yoda said "I sense much beer in you."

Windu: And that started his beer speech.

Anakin: Oh, I got this one, yo! "I must drink beer. Beer is the mind-killer. Beer is the little-death that brings total..."

Typho: Stop! Where are you getting this stuff? *mutters: Kids these days* It's "I must drink beer. Beer is the pain-killer. Beer is the little-drink that brings total obliteration. I will drink my beer. I will permit it to pass into me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the bleary eye to see its path. Where the beer has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

Anakin: Whatevs.

Siri: I can't believe this conversation is happening.

Padmé: Han, you never told us what happened in Mos Eisley.

Siri: Yeah! You had this big plan to go and get a shelter, and you and Anakin walk back into camp a few days later with nothing.

Padmé: What gives?

Han: *Sigh* Well, it happened like this...