Farewell Mabbit Tribe

Well... I can't say it was a surprise, I mean nearly killing half of you in challenges and then saying I slipped or something does tend to make an enemy of yourself. *Cough*

Well.. Best of luck to the rest of the Mabbitt tribe: I leave you my security droid to Jar Jar to use; I leave my lightsaber to Palps, I don't know why though *cough*; and I lave mt set of clothes to whoever wants them.

To the OoTeeni tribe may you fail at everything, except you Master Dooku of course, and be warned I am hovering over Tatooine so don't be surprised if lasers rain down on you, not during the challenges of course, but they could be the cause.

Farewell team and May the Force be with you! *cough*

First person voted off

*J.J. waddles over to the emptied out skull of a womprat, where the votes are placed inside, and brings it back to the council area.*

Once the votes are read, that person must leave the game. I’ll now read the votes.

First vote: ………..Palpatine

Next vote……………….Grievous

……………………..Qui-Gon

……………..Fluke

…………….Grievous

……………..Obi-Wan

…………….Grievous

……………First person voted off Survivor:Tatooine: General Grievous.

*Grievous brings up his torch. J.J. stands on his tip-toes on the stump and snuffs out the flame.*
Grievous….the tribe has spoken.

*Grievous stomps away*

The rest of you can make your way back to camp.

Tribal Council: Week One

Mabbitt tribe…welcome to your first tribal council. Grab a torch. As you know here on Survivor, fire represents life; your life in the game.

*Obi-Wan shakes his head* Great. Like it’s not already bloody hot enough out here…

*The Mabbitt tribe chooses a stump and sits down.*

You seemed to have had a strong start. You found some caves in the canyon for shelter and you were able to fend off the first raid of Tusken Raiders. At one point you were all singing together. Qui-Gon, how did that make you feel?

Oh man…that was a beautiful night. It was like a concert under the stars. I really felt we came together as a team that night. Which was all good and all cos it helped take my mind off the brownie withdraws. Man, I got the ether shakes.

Jar Jar, You must be having withdrawals of your own out here. How is that moisturizer working out for you?

*Jar Jar stops slathering on the ointment onto his tongue.* Eeh..Meesa okeydoky. We Gungan’s are muy muy tough when wesa wants to be. Wesa even…

ya, ya, okay. Palpatine, have you had any problems with the other tribe this first week?

Why…no. Nothing we can’t handle when the time is right to strike them down will all our hate…

I’m sorry, what?

Oh, nothing.

Aayla and Obi-Wan…you two seem to be getting pretty close these past few days…

Oh yaaaaah…*Obi-Wan and Aayla smile brightly into each other’s eyes.*

So there’s a good chance of an alliance forming, isn’t there?

*Both Aayla and Obi-Wan freeze. Suddenly they scoot farther away.* Eh…-ahem- What would ever give you that idea…? *Both of them whistle nervously.*

Well, it seems like your biggest setback was the challenge itself. Fluke, you killed your dewback pretty early on.

*Fluke rolls eyes. Shrugs. Gives a brief ‘I’m going to kill you later for bringing that up’ smile.*

And Grievous and Jar Jar also had trouble throughout the challenge. Do you think that will cost you some votes tonight?

*Grievous stares at J.J. menacingly* Not as much as it might cost someone their arms…

Leia, you don’t seem too down hearted about losing the first challenge. Why is that?

Cos it’s only the first one, J.J. We’ll come back and we’ll kick the Ooteeni’s sorry butts! You know why? I’ll tell you why! Cos we got the fork!!!

*Some awkward silence follows.*

Well, it’s time to vote. Only the Mabbitt tribe votes today and only one vote per person. When you are done voting, I’ll read the votes and that person will be asked to leave.

You may start voting…

Grievous: The Difficulty of Riding

Well.... the challenge was a complete fiasco, at least it was for me, *cough* I couldn't ride the beast at first, a droid's legs can't position themselves as an organic lifeform can, after about half an hour of wrestling with my Dewback, and I think breaking its foot, I finally decided the moast embarissing way to ride a Dewback, side saddle, eventually I managed to kill and cary back one Scurrier and killed another one but ran out of time taking it back. *cough*

Master Yoda: No. 1 We Are

Very hard that challenge was. Supposed to ride a dewback without using the Force I was! Seen the size of this animal have you? Bigger than me, it's doo-doos are!

Fortunately a good plan Typho had. The sand-worm carcass we used again. Maybe tell you more about it he will. Bragging, he loves.

Of course, happy about that, Windu was not. Just finished decorating the shelter he had. Now have to start all over again he will. Oh well, something to do he needed. No mirrors in the camp there are, so look at himself all the time he cannot.

Anyway, the other team's butts we kicked! Go home crying to their mamas now they will. Or back to their cave. Whatever, I care not.

And the winner is...

*The timer goes off. The dust settles on the sandy rise. And J.J. shakes his head…

J.J. walks over to the bins and starts counting.

The tribes, breathing heavy and wiping scurrier guts from their hands, waits in anticipation.*

Ooteeni tribe…..12 scurriers.

Mabbitt tribe…..8 scurriers.

Ooteeni tribe wins the challenge. And the case of beer.

Mabbitt tribe, I’ll see you this Friday at tribal council.

Challenge #1: Skewer the Scurrier!

*Somewhere on a forlorn plateau, J.J. stands next to two markers; one colored orange the other purple. The contestants drag their feet across the desert to stand on their appropriate marker.*

J.J.: Welcome survivors. I take it you are settling into your environment nicely?

*some low grumbling and head shaking*

J.J.: I see some of you have been able to acquire some of the local food. Well today’s challenge takes that food gathering to a new level. Today you will be hunting Scurriers.

These little critters are very fast but very tasty. Each team will have one hour to gather more Scuriers than the other team. The winning team also gets to eat all the Scurriers caught today.

*Some heavy drooling and lip smacking*

The winning team will also be able to wash it down with this case of ice cold Old Mos Eisley beer.

*Some bug-eyed looks and hand trembling…especially from Obi-Wan*

*J.J. looks into camera*: That’s right. Old Mos Eisley beer. Locally brewed, Toydarian crafted, 45 proof Old Mos Eisley beer. As bitter and acidic as you remember it. When you have nothing better…reach for an Old Mos Eisley!

* Turns back to contestants* Okay, sounds easy enough, right? Well not so fast. You will not be able to use your weapons. Instead each of you will have one of these.

Gaffi sticks. You will also have to ride one of these…

Dewbacks. And you will have to ride them bareback. Each team must maneuver their Dewback along this plateau, throw their Gaffi sticks like a spear at the tiny fast moving Scurriers and skewer them. They must then retrieve their Gaffi sticks and stuck Scurriers and put the dead critter in an appropriate colored bin; purple or orange depending on you team. The team with the most Scurriers in an hour wins all the Scurriers to eat plus the case of ice cold beer. The losing team must show up at tribal council this Friday to vote one of their own off.
Qui-Gon, you will be able to use this special spectral Gaffi stick since you are…eh…you know. We had it killed and brought back to life just for this challenge.

Any questions?

Anakin: Yo! Can we use the force to like guide our G-rods to the little Scurz? I mean, most of us are like illin’ Jedi and all.

J.J.: I’m afraid not. Anyone caught using the force to help them will be eliminated from the challenge.

Anakin: Man, that’s just whacked! See if I rescue your sorry ass again.

J.J.: Ahem…well. Now that that’s settled…man your Dewbacks.

And….go!

Typho: Shelter from the Storm

Sandworm
Originally uploaded by Captain Typho.

Three words for the sandworm:

Who's your daddy?

Now we have food, shelter and water.

Sweet!

After the Jedi sliced the beast up I helped the team fashion a tent of sorts. It's soggy and nasty, but it will keep the sun off our heads and provide some protection from the sandstorms. And it won't stay soggy for long, that's for sure.

Padme (I'm off duty, so I can call her that instead of the more formal "Senator Amidala") was not being a team player, but I know where she's coming from. The stink of this creature is... unique, shall we say. But I'm so tired and dehydrated I can deal with it.

I teased Jedi Siri a bit when she was carving up the worm and some sizzling goo flew up in her face. Luckily, she has a sense of humor.

She's funny. She can be really quiet, but once she gets animated about something she'll keep talking and talking and talking and it turns into a big run-on sentence and you wonder if she's going to stop to take a breath and it's difficult to get a word in edgewise...

But it's cute, so there you go.

I started to seriously crash and burn, so I picked a corner of the tent that looked comfortable and flopped down. I motioned to Siri to come on over and chat some more if she wanted to, though I didn't think I'd be able to stay awake for much longer.

As I started to drift off, my mind turned to the first challenge. I wonder what it will be?

Master Yoda: Sand Worm Manor

Snuck off to Mos Eisley, Solo and Young Skywalker have. A good feeling about this I have not. Seen the movie Dumb and Dumber I have. End well, this can not.

In the mean time, nature's call I heard. But the rules say that bury our doo doo we must. Too much trouble that is. So a trip over to the other team's camp I took and a little present I left them.

A few hours ago, attacked by a sand worm, we were. Immediately, with Force-tickling, I stopped it. My arms I held up in the air, my fingers I wiggled, and "Coochie coochie coo! Coochie coochie coo!" I said.

(Very important to say "coochie coochie coo" when attempting the Jedi Tickle Trick it is. Otherwise, work it will not.)

Anyway, while lying on the sand laughing the beast was, up with his Ion canon, Typho runs. Right in front of the monster's mouth he stands, and straight down the worm's throat he fires. One crazy son-of-a-wookie, that guy is. But kill the thing he did, blowing a hole straight through the other end of it.

I thought that be nice to Captain Typho I should. To compliment him on his marksmanship I decided. "Good shot, Typo."

"Typho!" he yelled. All wrinkled, his forehead got. "It's Typho! Not Typo! Not Typhoid! Typho! You got that?!"

Hee hee hee.

Later, a good shelter the sand worm carcass might make, Young Siri said. So with our lightsabers, Young Siri, Windu, and I cut it up. To build the shelter everyone helped, except for Senator Amidala. About the smell she kept complaining. Gagging she was.

"Ewww! As if! There is like, no way I am staying in that thing! That is totally gross! I've got like a totally awesome parisol, with the cutest little pink kitties on it, so I'm just gonna stay here, thank you very much!"

Fine with me that is. That means at least one quiet place in the camp there will be. Meanwhile, getting pinker than the kitties on her parisol, Senator Amidala is.

Just a few minutes ago, charging up some Sand People came. But, one look at us they took, stopped, and a bag of credits they tossed us. "Here," they said, "Going to rob you we were, but need this more than we do, you do."

Maybe the fact that living in a sand worm we are, it was.

Awaiting Solo's and Young Skywalker's return we are. In the mean time, trying to decorate the sand worm shelter Windu is. Not right, he is.

Palps: The Phantom Dook

If you have ever been a contestant on a survival game show on a remote planet, you know that there are a few rules that ‘MUST’ be followed.

1. Leave What You Find: Plants, animals, and cultural artifacts should all be left for the next person to enjoy and/or destroy.

2. Respect Wildlife: Don’t feed, chase, or harass wildlife and be sure to hang your food well out of reach of sand people!

3. Be Considerate of Others: Think about how your actions affect other people. Loud noises, out of control pets (Jar-Jar), cell phones and radios are a few examples of what might bother other contestants.

4. THIS ONE IS REALLY IMPORTANT!! Dispose of Waste Properly: Carry out what you carry in; bury feces in a hole 4-8 inches deep, away from water, trails, and other contestants.

So I went out for my morning constitution, at least 50-100 yards from camp. I brought a copy of the Mos Espa Times, just in case.

Then…..I smelt it. I looked over behind a rock to my left, and something was steaming.

Yeccchhh!!!! A phantom dook!

At the beginning of the show, we were all given a copy of the above rules, and agreed to follow them.

Apparently someone thinks that the rules do not apply to them. As far as I know, I am the only Sith around, and I know it wasn’t me (and yes I am aware that the word ‘Sith’ is an anagram for another word that would adequately describe the problem, but I am not going to go there).

I walked back to camp and reported what I had seen. Everyone kind of looked at the ground, but no one claimed it.

“What if someone stepped in it and tracked it back to camp?” I pleaded. No response.

“It was just yards from the water hole!!”

No response.

We have a phantom dooker amongst us…..