Saturday, July 23, 2005

Farewell Mabbit Tribe

Well... I can't say it was a surprise, I mean nearly killing half of you in challenges and then saying I slipped or something does tend to make an enemy of yourself. *Cough*

Well.. Best of luck to the rest of the Mabbitt tribe: I leave you my security droid to Jar Jar to use; I leave my lightsaber to Palps, I don't know why though *cough*; and I lave mt set of clothes to whoever wants them.

To the OoTeeni tribe may you fail at everything, except you Master Dooku of course, and be warned I am hovering over Tatooine so don't be surprised if lasers rain down on you, not during the challenges of course, but they could be the cause.

Farewell team and May the Force be with you! *cough*

First person voted off

*J.J. waddles over to the emptied out skull of a womprat, where the votes are placed inside, and brings it back to the council area.*

Once the votes are read, that person must leave the game. I’ll now read the votes.

First vote: ………..Palpatine

Next vote……………….Grievous






……………First person voted off Survivor:Tatooine: General Grievous.

*Grievous brings up his torch. J.J. stands on his tip-toes on the stump and snuffs out the flame.*

Grievous….the tribe has spoken.

*Grievous stomps away*

The rest of you can make your way back to camp.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Tribal Council: Week One

Mabbitt tribe…welcome to your first tribal council. Grab a torch. As you know here on Survivor, fire represents life; your life in the game.

*Obi-Wan shakes his head* Great. Like it’s not already bloody hot enough out here…

*The Mabbitt tribe chooses a stump and sits down.*

You seemed to have had a strong start. You found some caves in the canyon for shelter and you were able to fend off the first raid of Tusken Raiders. At one point you were all singing together. Qui-Gon, how did that make you feel?

Oh man…that was a beautiful night. It was like a concert under the stars. I really felt we came together as a team that night. Which was all good and all cos it helped take my mind off the brownie withdraws. Man, I got the ether shakes.

Jar Jar, You must be having withdrawals of your own out here. How is that moisturizer working out for you?

*Jar Jar stops slathering on the ointment onto his tongue.* Eeh..Meesa okeydoky. We Gungan’s are muy muy tough when wesa wants to be. Wesa even…

ya, ya, okay. Palpatine, have you had any problems with the other tribe this first week?

Why…no. Nothing we can’t handle when the time is right to strike them down will all our hate…

I’m sorry, what?

Oh, nothing.

Aayla and Obi-Wan…you two seem to be getting pretty close these past few days…

Oh yaaaaah…*Obi-Wan and Aayla smile brightly into each other’s eyes.*

So there’s a good chance of an alliance forming, isn’t there?

*Both Aayla and Obi-Wan freeze. Suddenly they scoot farther away.* Eh…-ahem- What would ever give you that idea…? *Both of them whistle nervously.*

Well, it seems like your biggest setback was the challenge itself. Fluke, you killed your dewback pretty early on.

*Fluke rolls eyes. Shrugs. Gives a brief ‘I’m going to kill you later for bringing that up’ smile.*

And Grievous and Jar Jar also had trouble throughout the challenge. Do you think that will cost you some votes tonight?

*Grievous stares at J.J. menacingly* Not as much as it might cost someone their arms…

Leia, you don’t seem too down hearted about losing the first challenge. Why is that?

Cos it’s only the first one, J.J. We’ll come back and we’ll kick the Ooteeni’s sorry butts! You know why? I’ll tell you why! Cos we got the fork!!!

*Some awkward silence follows.*

Well, it’s time to vote. Only the Mabbitt tribe votes today and only one vote per person. When you are done voting, I’ll read the votes and that person will be asked to leave.

You may start voting…

Thursday, July 21, 2005


Woah, sorry Ive not been about for a while, I had some business to attend to, Aayla and I, well we um had some stuff to do. Dude we lost the challenge but at least we still got that thing tha luke accidently killed ^_^ oh and one of us Is getting voted off so Im going to go flash some money about.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Jar Jar: No scurrien for mesa

Oh no, no, no... Der dewbacks issen conspiren against mesa, mesa knowen itsa. Mesa tryen to getten on der first one mesa wassen given, but itsa bucken mesa off and escapen. Der second one did a variation on der same ting, where itsa tramplen mesa on der way. Der tird one... well, yousa getten der idea.

Once mesa wassen saddled (on mesa eighth dewback) mesa riden into der desert with mesa gaffi stack to hunten der scurriers. Theysa issen much faster dan theysa look. Der only weapon mesa issen good at usen issen der boomas, and theysa issen noah allowen. Eventually, mesa getten one scurrier. But itsa wassen noah counten, because mesa dewback eaten itsa.

Final Score

Dewbacks: 8
Scurriers: 11
Jar Jar: 0

Qui-Gon: Suntan lotion is good for me.

Oh. Wow. Bummer.
We, like, lost, man.
Like, after dinner, we carved up the dewback something fierce. Now we have a dewback tarp shelter, dewback claw grappling hooks, with a length of dewback rope, a dewback blanket, and a dewback saddle. They started making dewback jerky (if you thought it was good tonight, try it in two weeks), when me and Jar Jar went off to work on some things in the cave. Binky, which is his new nickname, like, picked mushrooms and gathered moss. See, like, there is this tiny natural spring in the cave. You know, like, not enough to drink off of, but enough to produce water and keep it cool and slimy.
Right, so me, and Binky, we like, parted ways, and he went off to gather and stuff.
Well, I remember this time that me and Ben, we were on a mission on Hurt Ball 1, best known as Giant Hurt Ball. We had to trek, on foot, like, several days to get to this bloody city where we had to meet with the bloody delegates of this bloody planet (I apologise to any Ballzakians who are offended, but you really should consider some drinking fountains or something out there, man).
Yeah, so, like, we were all hot, and we found this cave. Well, like, I had read in Mothra Slywert's Home Journal there was this wicked bad stuff you could make up to help heal and prevent sunburn. As Slywert was publishing from inside a Sarlacc, after she was prosecuted for just being dag nasty evil, she said the materials could be found inside Gooba fish and in the lovely fixer-upper caves on Hurt Ball 1 and Tatooine!
Well, after mixing up the stuff, which smelled as foul as Rancor poodu, I applied liberally, paying special attention to the nose and cheeks. I explained the usage to my Padawan and, after pushing him face-first into the muck, he decided to wear some too.
It worked like a charm, man! And the hideously nauseating smell went away after a few hours of it hardening and flaking off in the sun. Don't worry, we won't smell like Tauntaun sick for too long.
Free sun prevention slime guys! It, like, not only prevents damage by the multiple suns harmful UV rays, but also heals sun damaged skin, man. It clears up acne, cold sores, and the black plague too! So like, I don't want to hear 'my skin is peeling,' or 'what's that sizzling noise' anymore, man.

Grievous: The Difficulty of Riding

Well.... the challenge was a complete fiasco, at least it was for me, *cough* I couldn't ride the beast at first, a droid's legs can't position themselves as an organic lifeform can, after about half an hour of wrestling with my Dewback, and I think breaking its foot, I finally decided the moast embarissing way to ride a Dewback, side saddle, eventually I managed to kill and cary back one Scurrier and killed another one but ran out of time taking it back. *cough*

Leia: Number... two... we are

"Mmmm... dewback..."

That's the sound of our team enjoying a perfectly good meal of old (like wine!) and stringy (like cheese!) dewback. In case you Ooteenis are wondering, we're enjoying it just as much as you're enjoying your scurriers and Mois Eisley... aren't we? Maybe even more.

In fact, I'm glad we lost! While you're stupidly grinning, we've got a um... secret plan! That's right! And we are sooo gonna butt-whoop you guys in the next challenge! (throws someone's old Phantom Dookie over) That's for you! That's right, you better be scared! Go on! Cry to your mommies! But that won't help because by the time we're through with you, those tears won't know which way they're flowing!

Just remember, team, our defeat will not discourage us, it has strengthened us!

Master Yoda: No. 1 We Are

Very hard that challenge was. Supposed to ride a dewback without using the Force I was! Seen the size of this animal have you? Bigger than me, it's doo-doos are!

Fortunately a good plan Typho had. The sand-worm carcass we used again. Maybe tell you more about it he will. Bragging, he loves.

Of course, happy about that, Windu was not. Just finished decorating the shelter he had. Now have to start all over again he will. Oh well, something to do he needed. No mirrors in the camp there are, so look at himself all the time he cannot.

Anyway, the other team's butts we kicked! Go home crying to their mamas now they will. Or back to their cave. Whatever, I care not.

And the winner is...

*The timer goes off. The dust settles on the sandy rise. And J.J. shakes his head…

J.J. walks over to the bins and starts counting.

The tribes, breathing heavy and wiping scurrier guts from their hands, waits in anticipation.*

Ooteeni tribe…..12 scurriers.

Mabbitt tribe…..8 scurriers.

Ooteeni tribe wins the challenge. And the case of beer.

Mabbitt tribe, I’ll see you this Friday at tribal council.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Challenge #1: Skewer the Scurrier!

*Somewhere on a forlorn plateau, J.J. stands next to two markers; one colored orange the other purple. The contestants drag their feet across the desert to stand on their appropriate marker.*

J.J.: Welcome survivors. I take it you are settling into your environment nicely?

*some low grumbling and head shaking*

J.J.: I see some of you have been able to acquire some of the local food. Well today’s challenge takes that food gathering to a new level. Today you will be hunting Scurriers.

These little critters are very fast but very tasty. Each team will have one hour to gather more Scuriers than the other team. The winning team also gets to eat all the Scurriers caught today.

*Some heavy drooling and lip smacking*

The winning team will also be able to wash it down with this case of ice cold Old Mos Eisley beer.

*Some bug-eyed looks and hand trembling…especially from Obi-Wan*

*J.J. looks into camera*: That’s right. Old Mos Eisley beer. Locally brewed, Toydarian crafted, 45 proof Old Mos Eisley beer. As bitter and acidic as you remember it. When you have nothing better…reach for an Old Mos Eisley!

* Turns back to contestants* Okay, sounds easy enough, right? Well not so fast. You will not be able to use your weapons. Instead each of you will have one of these.

Gaffi sticks. You will also have to ride one of these…

Dewbacks. And you will have to ride them bareback. Each team must maneuver their Dewback along this plateau, throw their Gaffi sticks like a spear at the tiny fast moving Scurriers and skewer them. They must then retrieve their Gaffi sticks and stuck Scurriers and put the dead critter in an appropriate colored bin; purple or orange depending on you team. The team with the most Scurriers in an hour wins all the Scurriers to eat plus the case of ice cold beer. The losing team must show up at tribal council this Friday to vote one of their own off.
Qui-Gon, you will be able to use this special spectral Gaffi stick since you are…eh…you know. We had it killed and brought back to life just for this challenge.

Any questions?

Anakin: Yo! Can we use the force to like guide our G-rods to the little Scurz? I mean, most of us are like illin’ Jedi and all.

J.J.: I’m afraid not. Anyone caught using the force to help them will be eliminated from the challenge.

Anakin: Man, that’s just whacked! See if I rescue your sorry ass again.

J.J.: Ahem…well. Now that that’s settled…man your Dewbacks.


Monday, July 18, 2005

Typho: Shelter from the Storm

Originally uploaded by Captain Typho.

Three words for the sandworm:

Who's your daddy?

Now we have food, shelter and water.


After the Jedi sliced the beast up I helped the team fashion a tent of sorts. It's soggy and nasty, but it will keep the sun off our heads and provide some protection from the sandstorms. And it won't stay soggy for long, that's for sure.

Padme (I'm off duty, so I can call her that instead of the more formal "Senator Amidala") was not being a team player, but I know where she's coming from. The stink of this creature is... unique, shall we say. But I'm so tired and dehydrated I can deal with it.

I teased Jedi Siri a bit when she was carving up the worm and some sizzling goo flew up in her face. Luckily, she has a sense of humor.

She's funny. She can be really quiet, but once she gets animated about something she'll keep talking and talking and talking and it turns into a big run-on sentence and you wonder if she's going to stop to take a breath and it's difficult to get a word in edgewise...

But it's cute, so there you go.

I started to seriously crash and burn, so I picked a corner of the tent that looked comfortable and flopped down. I motioned to Siri to come on over and chat some more if she wanted to, though I didn't think I'd be able to stay awake for much longer.

As I started to drift off, my mind turned to the first challenge. I wonder what it will be?

Anakin: You Call That Air-Conditioning?

Word up. Turns out Mos Eisley is unair-conditioned too, yo. For some reason I don't remember it ever bein this hot here. Whatevs. Anyway, so Han went somewheres to "score some credits"... he don't want me along, even though I tol him I can cheat at Sabaac without anyone knowin.

And after walkin with him for... a real long time... listenin him him complain about only bein able to see a "bit light blur" or some shizzy like that... Man, I almost had to deactivate my roboclaw to keep from cleavin him with my lightsaber. But that wouldnta done me any favors with the whole not-bein-voted-off thing, so I remained calm and at peace, and spit.

So here I am in the cantina, waitin around for Kitser, whose owner still owes me money for Boonta Eve way back in the day, yo. That should help with the whole buyin' a shelter thing. Or whatever it is Han wants to do out here.

Well, until he gets here, I guess I'll just spend the money he'll be giving me on those cool-colored shots they're servin'. Gotta be some way to beat the heat.

Prolly shouldnta worn the leather.

Master Yoda: Sand Worm Manor

Snuck off to Mos Eisley, Solo and Young Skywalker have. A good feeling about this I have not. Seen the movie Dumb and Dumber I have. End well, this can not.

In the mean time, nature's call I heard. But the rules say that bury our doo doo we must. Too much trouble that is. So a trip over to the other team's camp I took and a little present I left them.

A few hours ago, attacked by a sand worm, we were. Immediately, with Force-tickling, I stopped it. My arms I held up in the air, my fingers I wiggled, and "Coochie coochie coo! Coochie coochie coo!" I said.

(Very important to say "coochie coochie coo" when attempting the Jedi Tickle Trick it is. Otherwise, work it will not.)

Anyway, while lying on the sand laughing the beast was, up with his Ion canon, Typho runs. Right in front of the monster's mouth he stands, and straight down the worm's throat he fires. One crazy son-of-a-wookie, that guy is. But kill the thing he did, blowing a hole straight through the other end of it.

I thought that be nice to Captain Typho I should. To compliment him on his marksmanship I decided. "Good shot, Typo."

"Typho!" he yelled. All wrinkled, his forehead got. "It's Typho! Not Typo! Not Typhoid! Typho! You got that?!"

Hee hee hee.

Later, a good shelter the sand worm carcass might make, Young Siri said. So with our lightsabers, Young Siri, Windu, and I cut it up. To build the shelter everyone helped, except for Senator Amidala. About the smell she kept complaining. Gagging she was.

"Ewww! As if! There is like, no way I am staying in that thing! That is totally gross! I've got like a totally awesome parisol, with the cutest little pink kitties on it, so I'm just gonna stay here, thank you very much!"

Fine with me that is. That means at least one quiet place in the camp there will be. Meanwhile, getting pinker than the kitties on her parisol, Senator Amidala is.

Just a few minutes ago, charging up some Sand People came. But, one look at us they took, stopped, and a bag of credits they tossed us. "Here," they said, "Going to rob you we were, but need this more than we do, you do."

Maybe the fact that living in a sand worm we are, it was.

Awaiting Solo's and Young Skywalker's return we are. In the mean time, trying to decorate the sand worm shelter Windu is. Not right, he is.

Starbucker: The caves are inhabited...

...with barking spiders and pocket frogs.

I found this great cave right? It's so nice and roomy. We have space to store many provisions and have plenty of room to stretch out during the heat of the day for rest. My internal clock has almost completely readjusted itself so that I'm sleeping in the daytime, and awake and active at night when the heat is more bearable.

Yesterday, a few hours after Tatoo 2 rose into the sky, we all began to situate ourselves in the cave to escape the blazing suns. Don't get me wrong - it was still flipping hot - but at least the sun wasn't beating down directly on us. We were all relaxing, settling down, conserving energy for the night ahead. I guess some had fallen asleep, but I was awake, thinking of the food we would all need that night. That's when I discovered, or actually we all discovered, what turned out to be a major problem with the cave: no air flow.

Needless to say, we now have a new rule for the cave... and i fashioned a sign to hang outside the cave as a reminder:

Image hosted by
If offenders aren't voted out, they will be corked, I guarantee.

First off, let me say, I didn't do it, but golly-gee whillikers, someone did. The rumble woke everyone that was slumbering....and the stench drove everyone out of the cave. Well, everyone but old Ben... somehow he managed to stay there the entire time. Fearing he may have been rendered unconscious, I attempted to go in and rescue him by dragging him out, but he resisted, mumbling, "...doesn't bother me... leave me alone." That, my friends, is one tough cookie.

As a side note: In retrospect, I think I may should have chosen a different luxury item - and left my custom built, remote-controlled, souped-up, riced-out lawnmower at home. But, who knows? It may yet come in handy.

Image hosted by

Starbucker out

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Qui-Gon: Sand

So, right, I was on my way back to camp and spotted this sign. Telling me there is sand. Like, sand in the desert. I'm really glad that sign was, like, there, man. I mean, like, I assumed that, like, sand was in the desert. But, like, I needed official proof.
This is why I stayed off the Council and out of the government. I mean, like, how many brownies does someone have to consume to come up with the idea for that sign? And, like, why is there a warning for sand, but not, like, sand people or like, sand-worms?
So, right, guys, beware of sand.

Palps: The Phantom Dook

If you have ever been a contestant on a survival game show on a remote planet, you know that there are a few rules that ‘MUST’ be followed.

1. Leave What You Find: Plants, animals, and cultural artifacts should all be left for the next person to enjoy and/or destroy.

2. Respect Wildlife: Don’t feed, chase, or harass wildlife and be sure to hang your food well out of reach of sand people!

3. Be Considerate of Others: Think about how your actions affect other people. Loud noises, out of control pets (Jar-Jar), cell phones and radios are a few examples of what might bother other contestants.

4. THIS ONE IS REALLY IMPORTANT!! Dispose of Waste Properly: Carry out what you carry in; bury feces in a hole 4-8 inches deep, away from water, trails, and other contestants.

So I went out for my morning constitution, at least 50-100 yards from camp. I brought a copy of the Mos Espa Times, just in case.

Then…..I smelt it. I looked over behind a rock to my left, and something was steaming.

Yeccchhh!!!! A phantom dook!

At the beginning of the show, we were all given a copy of the above rules, and agreed to follow them.

Apparently someone thinks that the rules do not apply to them. As far as I know, I am the only Sith around, and I know it wasn’t me (and yes I am aware that the word ‘Sith’ is an anagram for another word that would adequately describe the problem, but I am not going to go there).

I walked back to camp and reported what I had seen. Everyone kind of looked at the ground, but no one claimed it.

“What if someone stepped in it and tracked it back to camp?” I pleaded. No response.

“It was just yards from the water hole!!”

No response.

We have a phantom dooker amongst us…..

Qui-Gon: Withdrawal

Oh wow. Yeah.
I haven't had a brownie in, like, days. Now, I know, like, why I ate them so much, man. People are annoying. Like, everyone. Everyone. Brownies mellow me out, man. Otherwise, I feel the need to be really serious. Like, no humour, no smiles, no tolerance for Gungans or Droids. Just focussed. I mean, sure, your focus determines your reality, but without the mellow, my reality is all, like, serious. I was far too serious in my life. Just ask Ben. Now it's like I can let my hair down and relax. I just can't though.
So after everyone went off in search of food, I trailed off on my own path. I'm dead. I can't starve, plummet face first onto some jagged rocks, or be eaten my sand worms or take a gaffi stuck to the noggin. But, as per the contract that I signed, I can't hop on the Ethereal train and go visit my dead buddies (by the way, J.J., if you're reading, mate, can you water my plants?). Okay, yeah, I went off on my own. I traveled for a while, as both suns had climbed to the top of the sky and started their way back down.
Finally, I found a spot, near the narrow mouth of a shady cave. I laid out my poncho, and sat down. For hours, I meditated, just absorbing the energies of the suns, the heat of the sand, the cool shade of the cave. It was invigorating.
However, my concentration was interrupted.
There was a bit of shuffling, and when I opened my eyes, there were two Dink Dinks in front of me. Luckily I paid attention in DinkDink101, so I could understand their conversation for the most part.
"Dink Dink, dink dink dink?" Herman, what that thing is that I am seeing with the eyes that I hold possession of?
"Dink dink dink, Dink Dink. Dink dink dink dink dink." Not sure of it is what to be, Moira. I feel very strongly that spectral apparition is it.
"Dink! Dink dink dink! Dink!" Wow! Unbelievable luck that we have, as at the Vespa Senior Centre belief no-one will have of this that seen we have with eyes that we own. Wonderful!
"Dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink. Dink dink dink." Of all the mosts, Yoghurt pleased much will to be having feelings. Prescribe a photograph we must as for of the proof for us to be having.
Right, so, then like, I like, chimed in and we had a nice long conversation and snapped a few piccies. Though, I do think that I may need to brush up on my Dink Dink. I don't think that they understood everything that I was trying to say. And what does "Dink dink dink dink dink" mean? My hovercraft is full of eels?
Well, after the parlor tricks and rather humiliating photos, I went back to camp. I'll watch over everyone again tonight. I'm just feeling kind of down. And, like, needing of a brownie, man.