Party at Watto's

I've been watching Survivor Tatooine religiously, the various challenges, the tribal councels, everything. I was very elated to see that when Qui-Gon won, he invited just about everyone to Watto's for a party. Quickly, I sprung into action, jumping into my trusty ship the Danger Sled and warping on over to the desert planet.

Warp technology is great. As an aside, I have to comment how nice it is that there is such a device that allows us to have adventures like this every week.

I got to Watto's a little later than I expected, crossing the galaxies can take longer than you might think. I wanted to get there for dinner because I heard that the buffet's nerf roasted in bluemilk was the best that you could find. Fortunately, the buffet is open all night. More importantly, the bars were open all night, too.

I went to one of the lounges and met Fluke and Jawa Juice. Fluke had a few and was Fusing the Spores to levitate some drinks. JJ had a few, too, and his glowing eyes looked glazed over.

"See JJ, first we Fuse the Spores, then nature chews the Spores, then we use the Spores!"

JJ mumbled something semicoherently.

"No no no, JJ, you're missing the timeless beauty of it. First we Fuse the Spores, then nature chews the Spores, then we use the Spores!"

JJ mumbled something again.

"No no no, you're still missing it, First we Fuse the Spores, then nature chews the Spores, then we use the Spores!"

JJ mumbled once more.

"See now you're getting it."

"Say guys, what's going on?" I ask.

"Oh, Jon Jon Jon, this is so cool, check this out," slurred Fluke. "First we Fuse the Spores, then nature chews the Spores, then we use the Spores! It's like totally cool."

JJ mumbled again.

"Yeah, hey you know there's a show going on," I pointed down the corridor. "You guys going?"

"Oh yeah, I hear that guy is so awesome," replied Fluke. "I totally wanna check it out. I have to tell you something first. See, Jon, first we Fuse the Spores, then nature chews the Spores, then we use the Spores!"

"Gotta go." I took off. Jawa mumbled. I couldn't tell if he was mumbling through the drinks or the hood or what.

I saw Mace and Yoda talking in a sports bar. They seemed to be arguing over one of the football games.

"I love those Tusken Raiders helmets. They're dark and shiny and strong. Just like me."

"Strong running game leads to play action, play action leads to touchdown, touchdown leads to victory," said Yoda watching the screen.

"I love those Space Buccaneers helmets. They are tough and shiny like me. They are tough and protective, like me. They are red and pewter, like me. Say, Yoda, would I look good in a red and pewter robe or would I look good?"

"Feh, pewter I do not like," Yoda replied. "A very nice orange the Buccaneers had. Like a delicious creamcicle they looked." Yoda took another swig of his drink.

"Hey, gang," I walked up to them. "You going to the show?"

"Oh yes, I look so good in the dark of the audience," said Windu. "I'm ready to go."

"I am ready, too," said Yoda. "I hear that it is a very good show."

"Master Yoda, you're talking... backwards," I said.

"I am, ahem," Yoda cleared his throat and regained some composure. "Drunk I am."

The waitress seated us and the show began. Elvis Spaceclone #23 was onstage and he was rocking the house.

Elvis was singing:

Twin sun desert gonna set my soul
Gonna set my soul on fire
There's a whole lot of credits that are ready to burn
So get those stakes up higher
There's a thousand pretty Twileks just a-waitin out there,
And they're all livin' Devaronian-may-care
And I'm just the Devaronian with love to spare
Viva at Watto's
Viva at Watto's

And how I wish that there were more
Than twenty-eight hours in the day.
But even if there were forty more,
I wouldn't sleep a minute away.
Oh, there's sabaac, holo-chess and Podracing bets.
A fortune won and lost with no regrets.
All you need are blasters or superfast jets.
Viva at Watto's
Viva at Watto's
Viva at Watto's
Viva at Watto's
Viva! Viva!

The crowd stood up, cheering and roaring. I sure wish that I had a camera or better photomanipulating skills so I could show my friends back home.

"Thank you, thank you very much," said Elvis. "I'm gunna take a short break. Thank you, thank you very much."

Watto came up on stage, flapping his wings.

"Oh wasn't that great, everybody? Elvis Spaceclone #23!" He called out. "You know, we have a special party here tonight, eh. We also have a special visitor who's traveled a long way to be here. Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator, everybody!"

Lights shone on me, I reluctantly stood up and waved to the applauding audience.

"Say, Jon," continued Watto. "Why don't you come up and sing for us, eh?"

"Oh no no, I couldn't," I said.

"Nonsense, nonsense," he replied. "Come on up, eh!"

I gave in to the cheering crowd, went up on stage and grabbed a microphone.

"OK, OK, this one's dedicated to Qui-Gon. He's the reason we're all here." The audience applauded for Qui-Gon, his spectral form waved and saluted everyone with his banana daiquiri.

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive (hey-hey)

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
and now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

The audience stood and applauded (it didn't hurt that everyone had been drinking pretty much all day).

"Let's get the winner up here, everyone. Come on up here, Qui-Gon!" I called out.

Qui-Gon tried to wave everyone off, but the crowd wouldn't have it. With a shrug, the specter reluctantly floated up to stage to address the cheering crowd.

"Thank you everybody," he said. "It's, like, cool, man."

"Sing! Sing! Sing!" yelled the crowd. Remember, they had been drinking.

"Oh no no, man," Qui-Gon said. "I gave up my singing days long ago."

"Oh please, old chap," called out Count Dooku. "Belt one out for us!"

"Alright, alright, I do know one song," the ghostly Jedi conceded.

"I'll sing with you," I offered.

Qui-Gon was silent for a moment.

"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bananaphone!"

Watto's: The first few hours I remember...

All right, let’s get this party started.

I put on my best robe, lit up one of my famous 2 credit cigars and splashed a hint of Old Sarlacc cologne behind the eyes and walked into Watto’s Casino and resort ready to finally let loose. First stop…the bar, where I started the day with a couple of shots of Jack Dactillion. Ahhhh…that hit the spot.

t was still too early to hit the casinos just yet so I opted to walk around a bit. I think I was the first one here. No wait…there’s Padmé on the slots dropping credits like she’s downing margaritas. Oh…and it looks like she’s downing margaritas too.

I made a quick stop in my room to change. I’m determined ta hit every bar in this place so my next stop is the pool side bar. I then started to hear some hooting and hollering outside in the parking lot, so I took a look outside the window. Sure enough, there was Obi-Wan and Anakin trying to impress some local girl as only they can.

I grabbed a towel and skedaddled back down to the pool. I think I spent the next five hours just floating and drinking anything with an umbrella in it.

And this is just the beginning….

I hope I got enough brain cells to lose this weekend…

Survivor Epilogue

Wow. My oh my. It’s been a long and crazy ride since July 14^th. Twelve challenges, sixteen contestants, 208 posts…who would have thought this would work? I didn’t. Not at first anyway. In the beginning I thought it would be kinda cool if there was some special blog to bring all those in the SW universe together and interact with each other. Who knew it would last three and a half months? (Unforeseen illnesses not withstanding.)

But I was looking over all the posts the other night and I must say….wow. What an amazing body of work! If any of you out there have the time to read over it all again, I suggest you do so. There are some hilarious and wonderful gems of writing…eh…reporting I mean, in there. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, you all have done a fantastic job.

At first I really didn’t think it would work out. For the first few weeks there were a few people who neither posted nor voted. They just didn’t show up so I thought, “Well this is a bust. Oh well.” But as it turned out, we were just getting used to the situation and getting down to the strong characters.

If I were to do this again, I think I would do a few things differently though. First off, have only fourteen contestants max (and merge at seven or eight). This would help with shaving off a few weeks to make things go a little quicker. I would also have implemented the “no-vote: you’re voted off” rule from the beginning. This would have helped clear away those people who weren’t really interested in the first place. (As a side note, I think I would also try and make sure those who signed up we’re truly committed to the project. I think that was the only real discouraging thing for me about the game when it started) But after the first month, things took off and the remaining players shined like the twin suns of Tatooine!

One other thing I definitely would change: dealing with the dreaded ties at votes. I hated having to randomly determine a tie at vote time. In a game that already relied on chance to determine who won and got immunity, it just seemed too much. Next time…eh, if there is a next time…I think I would do it this way---

Ties would be determined first by how many posts that person has at the time of voting. If you have placed more posts than the other person, you’re safe and the other person gets voted off. This would encourage players to post beyond the one post a week minimum and would have solved all but one of the tie votes for this past game!

But that’s neither here nor there. It was a learning process and I had fun doing it. I loved thinking of crazy challenges and loved even more when the winner who was posted had to figure out how in the world they were going to win. (Or in the case of Han on the swoop bike race, how in the world did he ever come in last?!?) It’s these types of challenges that make the game fun. I think next time I would also put in more creative writing challenges like the Pillar of Doom or the Three rings of Fear, since those type of challenges really pushed the envelope on people’s writing skills. But come on…ya gotta have fun gross stuff like the Hutt lick and jawa BBQ too.

I must say though, I was a bit surprised there wasn’t more posts that dealt with just the simple day to day actions of the characters in camp. I really thought Yoda and Dooku would have it out in some kind of smack down confrontation. There were some, however. I loved the little stinky present given to one of the tribes by the other tribe late one night. And the budding romance of Typho and Siri began in these episodes (Although we all know how well that worked out eventually, don’t we…) That’s why I also added other oddities for you guy to write about: sandstorms, a Tusken raider raid, a crazy idol that changes gender (ooo, I was so hoping Fluke would get that one..) which for the most part all of you did very well with. I am well aware of the burden a second blog has on people, so honestly, I ain’t complaining.

I do have one question for all the contestants though, something that I’ve been wondering throughout the entire game. Were there any secret alliances? Did any of you secretly E-mail each other to say, hey…this is how were going to vote and all? And if not…why not? That’s what Survivor is all about! I’m surprised there wasn’t more of that on the posts too.

Anyway, here is the voting record for all the Tribal Councils.

Names in green denote that that tribe (or individual) won immunity.

The name in bold red was voted off. (If a tie the names will be in bold and the one gone is in red.

An asterisk shows that person didn’t place a vote.

(And remember, this is just a game, so don't hold any grudges on who voted for you.)

Week 1
Ooteeni Tribe

Mabbitt:
Qui-Gon: Palps
Fluke: Grievous
Palps: Qui-Gon
Aayla: Grievous
Grievous: Obi-Wan
Jar Jar: Fluke
Leia: Grievous
Obi-Wan: Grievous

(It’s a shame Grievous got voted off so early. I always thought he would have some good posts down the road.)

Week 2
Mabbit Tribe

Ooteeni:
Anakin: Han
Dooku: Mace
Han: Han
Siri: Han
Mace: *
Padmé: Mace
Typho: Mace
Yoda: Mace

(Yes, you’re seeing it correctly…wracked with guilt from the build a droid fiasco, Han voted for himself…and nearly got voted off.)

Week 3
Although Mabbitt won the reward challenge in the obstacle course both tribes went to tribal council

Ooteeni:
Anakin: Padmé
Dooku: Padmé
Han: Siri
Siri: Dooku
Padmé: *
Typho: Padmé
Yoda: Padmé

Mabbitt:
Qui-Gon: Palps
Fluke: Obi-Wan
Palps: *
Aayla: Palps
Jar Jar: Obi-Wan
Leia: Obi-Wan
Obi-Wan: *

Week 4
Another reward challenge only with Mabbitt the winners of that.

Ooteeni:
Anakin: Siri
Dooku: Siri
Han: Siri
Siri: Dooku
Typho: Dooku
Yoda: Siri

Mabbitt:
Qui-Gon: Palps
Fluke: Palps
Palps: Qui-Gon
Aayla: Palps
Jar Jar: Palps
Leia: Palps

Week 5
Ooteeni Tribe

Mabbitt:
Fluke: Aayla
Aayla: Qui-Gon
Qui-Gon: Jar Jar
Jar Jar: Leia
Leia: Fluke

An unusual way to call for a tie, have everyone vote for everyone forcing random determination the loser.

Week 6 and the two tribes merged

Aayla: *
Anakin: Aayla
Dooku: Aayla
Fluke: Anakin
Han: Aayla
Jar Jar: Dooku
Qui-Gon: Typho
Typho: Aayla
Yoda: Aayla

Week 7

Anakin: *
Dooku: Jar Jar
Fluke: Anakin
Han: *
Jar Jar: Typho
Qui-Gon: Typho
Typho: Jar Jar
Yoda: Jar Jar

This week had the person who had immunity (Fluke) give a special immunity to someone else (Qui-Gon)

Week 8

Anakin: *
Dooku: Fluke
Fluke: Anakin
Han: *
Qui-Gon: Typho
Typho: Fluke
Yoda: Fluke

Tired of the no-votes, I implemented the no-vote/ get voted off rule in which after a tie on that, Anakin got voted off. Just think though…had Anakin and Han voted, Fluke would probably have been voted off then.

Week 9

Dooku: Han
Fluke: Dooku
Han: Typho
Qui-Gon: Typho
Typho: Fluke
Yoda: Fluke

A really tough tie! I hated randomly picking this one. Had the idea of the person with the most posts wins been in play, Typho would have won this one.

Week 10

Dooku: Fluke
Fluke: Dooku
Han: Yoda
Qui-Gon: Dooku
Yoda: Fluke

Another too close tie!!

Week 11

Fluke: Han
Qui-gon: Han
Han: Fluke
Yoda: Fluke

That made three in a row that Fluke beat the odds. He seemed almost unstoppable until…

Week 12

Qui-Gon: --
Yoda: Fluke
Fluke: --

Since Qui-gon and Fluke canceled out each other, it was Yoda how cast the deciding vote.

The Final Vote

And just in case you were wondering who cast the last big votes…

Dooku: QGJ
Typho: QGJ
Siri: Yoda
Noel: QGJ
Grievous: QGJ
Jar Jar: QGJ
Han: QGJ
Palps: QGJ
Fluke: QGJ
Jon: QGJ
Leia: Yoda
Dormé: Yoda

I’ve got to say I really thought Yoda was a shoe in from the beginning. He hardly ever got any votes against him which made this last vote quite surprising to me.

But hey Yoda…at least you got the chick vote.

Well, that’s about it. I think I’m going to sleep for a month. I hope everyone had a fun time doing this not-so-little adventure. I know I did. I think I might have had the best time of you all cos all I had to do was throw out some bizarre challenges and stuff then sit back and read all the ingenious, hilarious posts.

Will I ever do this again?

Maybe.

Not right away obviously but who knows… Maybe a few months down the road, when the dust has settled and perhaps a new crop of SW bloggers are furiously writing away I may just come back with…oh, I don’t know…Survivor: Hoth?

...We’ll see.

In the meantime, thanks for playing along.

It was a blast.

Goodnight.

-J.J out!

P.S. I hear Palps is selling the yellow spedo he wore on the show on Ebay even as we speak.

And the Winner of Survivor: Tatooine is....

Welcome to the special live show finale of Survivor: Tatooine; live from studio R2 in Palpatine Plaza on Coruscant. I’m your host, J.J. and with me are the two survivor finalist, Jedi Master Yoda and Force Ghost Master Qui-Gon Jinn.

Behind me we also have the other fourteen members of Survivor: Tatooine here with us tonight.

Most of which have already cast their votes, but this Survivor is a little different. This time we expanded to include all those in the SW community, some who have watched each episode since it aired way back in July to take part in this monumental vote. As of air time, we have received a healthy 12 votes.

At stake tonight, a million credits. So, without any more rambling, it is time to read the votes. Remember, the votes cast are for who is to become the winner – you want to see their name to win. I’ll now read the votes.

……………first vote……….Qui-Gon

Second vote……………….Yoda

Next……………Qui-Gon

………………..Qui-Gon

……………….Yoda

………..Qui-Gon

…………….Yoda

……….Qui-Gon

………….Qui-Gon

……….Qui-Gon again

…………..Qui-Gon

………….and Qui-Gon

The winner of Survivor: Tatooine by a vote of 9 to 3….

Qui-Gon Jinn!!!

Congratulations!!! You have just won a million credits along with this trophy as well as these five “Tales of the Jedi” comics by Dark Horse Comics straight from my own personal collection.

As for you, Master Yoda, congratulations to you also. You played a good game and truth to tell this last vote even took me by surprise. But you won’t be walking away completely empty handed. Bring her out, boys. That’s right, you still get to take home with you Bob the mangy, blind FOC bantha. As good as a second place prize as we have ever given out.

Also I would like to say congratulations and thanks to all the contestants who played in the game. You all have done an amazing job and should be very proud of the posts you have placed.

Well, that’s almost it for me. Come back tomorrow for a special wrap-up show finale where I will reveal all the voting strategies from all the votes, talk about some behind the scene antics, what I would do differently and give some final thoughts.

And now…eh…jeez…do I really have to do this? Alright. Well I guess the producers want me to end on a song so here it goes….ahem….

Here he is….Mister Survivor…
Walking down the carpet…
Waving his hand…

Mister Survivor…
He’s got some luck…
Now with his million credits…
He can tell the world to take a flying f--*

(roll credits)

The BIG Vote!!!

Alright, some of you have had a chance to ask some questions to our two finalist…not sure I understand most of them, but there you go. We’ve also had a chance to hear both Qui-Gon and Yoda’s reasons for wanting to win the million credits….now it’s time to vote!

Not only is the vote open to all the members of Survivor:Tattoine but as a reward to those who have been patiently reading this blog for the past three months, the vote will also be open to all those in the Star Wars community.

If you are a member of the Star Wars United Forum you can cast your vote now! Just send me an e-mail or personal message through the forum. (This is to insure who sends in the vote only votes once.) Remember…you’re voting for the person you want to win, not be cast out this time.

Yoda, Qui-Gon and myself can not cast a vote but that still leaves potentially twenty-eight other people.

Voting will end this Friday (Nov. 4^th) at 9 am pacific time, so vote early…vote now!! Tell your friends! Gather the kids! Let out the frogs!

Good luck to both of you. You both have done a great job, as have all the other contestants of this crazy game.

Alright…..get ready……VOTE!!!

Yoda: Why Win This Thing I Should

Before the jury I stood. Tell them why win this contest I should, I was about to.

"Hello. Win why should I? The million credit question that is. Very simple the answer is.

"First of all, need the money, Qui-Gon does not. Dead he is! No good it will do him. In his ethereal form, slip through his pockets, the credits will.

"Secondly, very nice to all of you I have been..."

Typho: "Just a minute. What about all those times you called me 'Typo', and 'Typhoid', and 'Tai-Bo', and 'Tidy Bowl', and..."

Yoda: "Well, I.."

Palpatine: "Yes, and let us not forget the time that you stole into our camp in the middle of the night and, eh, 'made a deposit'."

Yoda: "Yes, but..."

Dooku: "That's quite correct, Old Boy. I say, the time you attacked me on the rock cliff wasn't very sporting at all, I'm afraid."

Yoda: "But..."

Young Skywalker: "An what about the time you made me punch my ownself out just cuz I wuz gonna lay the smackdown on Han, yo? Not cool, yo, not cool."

Han: "Hey, yeah, and what about that time you tossed your cookies all over my clothes?"

Jar Jar: "Yeah! An' the time meesa wassen helden prisoner by de bombad Tuskens, don't forgetsa! Yousa coulda setsa meesa freesa! But yousa letten thosa bombad Tuskensa keepen meesa one moresa day! Yodasa supposa beesa meesa friend liken little Ani!"

Young Skywalker: "I ain't your friend, yo."

Yoda: "OK, listen..."

Young Starbucker: "Ohhh, and don't forget me! No sir! Nuh-uh! Not on your life! Not for one minute! I... what was I talking about? Oh yes! Did you think, my little green friend, that I had forgotten the time I was standing on that pole with a bladder stuffed tighter than bicycle pants on Dom DeLuise? Did you help me in my hour of need? Did you spare me some uplifting words of encouragement? Well, did you? Huh? Did you? Hmm? Hmm? No sir! No, instead you subjected me to 87 choruses of 'Splish, Splash, A Shower I Was Taking'! Why, I... the pony! THE PONY! Get it off me! Get it off me!!!"

JawaJuice: "Yeah, and what about that time you left one of your 'presents' in the voting box... and that time you threw Fluke's boot at me when I woke you up?!"

Yoda: "JJ? A member of the jury you are not. The host you are."

JawaJuice: "Oh, uh, yeah. I guess I just got swept up in the spirit of things. Speaking of people who are not part of the jury, there's someone here who would like to address the group."

Just then, walking in to the circle on crutches, a giant spider was. Casts on several of his limbs he had. Also, a brace on his neck there was.

Yoda: "Steve, you that is? Doing here what are you?"

JawaJuice: "It was part of the settlement to the lawsuit. That little squishing incident of yours put the show in kind of a legal bind."

Yoda: "Look, Steve. Mean to hurt you I did not! Even know that you were real, I did not! I..."

Steve Spider: "Hey, don't worry 'bout it, Kid. You were uh, you know, projectin your hostilities on your therapist, know what I mean? We were makin what you would call your major breakthrough. So forgedaboudit."

Yoda: "Very big of you, that is."

Steve Spider: "I do want to say one thing to the group, though. Listen up yous guys. You basically got two types of people. You got your rats, and you got your snakes. Rats - you ain't gotta worry about rats. You can see rats. But snakes - you don't know when they're gonna bite you, know what I mean? They just hide in the grass there, and sneak up on you. Then they attack. My pal Yoda here is a snake. If he were laying on the side of the road, dying of thirst, I wouldn't even stop to give him a drink of water!"

Yoda: "Uh, Steve. I thought that mad you were not. Remember? 'Projecting my hostilities' I was, you said."

Steve Spider: "Yeah, I know. But I got needs too, you know? Sometimes I gotta do my own projectin'. By the way, here's my card. You got an appointment for another session with me for next Tuesday."

Yoda: "An appointment?! Need a shrink I do not!"

JawaJuice: "Sorry, Yoda. That was part of the settlement, too."

Turning out the way I had planned, this was not. Looking good, my chances were not. A time for desparate measures, this was. Outside the circle I walked, and Bob the Bantha I led in so that see him, the group could. Again, I addressed the jury.

"Vote for me you should, because the money I need. You see, dumped on me... uh, I mean given me Bob the Bantha, the producers of this show have. So, a bantha I will have to support. Another mouth to feed, I will have. Very expensive, his upkeep will be. Go through many bags of Purina Bantha Chow, he will. Also, expensive his medical care will be, too. Blind he is. A gas problem he has. A problem with his nerves there is. So really, voting for me you are not. Voting to help this poor, blind, farty bantha, you are."

Very moved by this they seemed not. Even more desparate measures this called for. Bob I turned around so that facing the jury, his hiney was.

"OK, want to do this I did not, but left me no choice you have. A bucket full of Pork n' Beans, Bob just ate!"

A loud gasp the whole crowd let out.

"Right that is! A loaded bantha I have, and afraid to use it, I am not!"

Vote for me they had better. Bluffing I am not.

Grievous: Cheques payable to...

Well, I'm back... after a long time away. Yes, you do know me - I was here at the beginning. I have three questions and a statement for you:

Question One:
If you win, what will you spend the prize on, will it help the Republic in the War effort?

Question Two:
Why should you win?

Question Three:
Do you want to get off Tatooine?

Statement:
If bribes are not considered wrong by you, you can make a cheque out to:

General Grievous,
Room 1,
The Invisible Hand,
Somewhere in the Universe